two boys. two letters.
Your name is Malachi Raymond, you will never know the names you almost were, or could have been, or the discussions your daddy and I had about naming you. You will only know that you are Malachi, "Messenger of God", and that we gave you that name because it was strong. We gave you that name because it has meaning, because we believe that names are important, that they can help shape the person you become. And you will know that Raymond is after my Grandpa, your Great Grandpa, who you may or may not ever have the gift of meeting and knowing and loving like everyone who knows him does. Raymond means "Protecting Hands". This name couldn't fit my Grandpa any better, our family protector, our strong and gentle protector, his hands gaurding our lives and hearts. Know, sweet Malachi, that you were named in love, you were given a name of deep meaning and strong conviction because we love you that much.
We can not wait to meet you baby boy, to see your face and wonder at your fingers and toes and perfect baby lips. We wonder if you will look like your big brother, or completely new and different. Will you have Boucher red hair? Will your eyes be blue like Asher's, or brown like mama's - like genetics say they most likely will be. Will you be as huge as they think you will be? Will you cry and whine and refuse to sleep? Will you like to swing and bounce and be bundled? We can not wait to discover the baby you will be.
And we can not wait to watch you grow... we can not wait to grow with you. You know it won't just be you changing, it will be all of us. Your daddy will grow and change as we adjust to live with you. I will continue to grow and change as I become a mama to 2 instead of just 1. And Asher will probably change the most, because he will become something whole and new. He will become your big brother, and as he watches you, and you him, he will change again and again.
We are so excited for you to have a big brother to learn froma nd grow with. We are so excited that you two will get to share life together, and play together. I know that you will sometimes fight, and soemtimes you may wish that you don't have a big brother at all... but those moments will be short lived, of this I know for sure. Because you have a brother you also have a friend for life. You have a confidant. You have support and love and courage somewhere when you can not find it yourself. Love each other always, depend on each other, fight for each other. Remember, that when no one else in the world is there... Asher will be. Because he is your brother, because you share more than just 4 walls and crazy parents... but you share blood, you share life.
Know, sweet baby Malachi, that you can be whoever you want to be. Know that your daddy and I will love you through all eternity, forever, always, and even more. Know that we will always be proud of you, always encourage you, always desire to see you grow. Know that there is nothing you can do that will never make us live you any less. Because I am your mama, and you are my baby, and that is the way it always will be.
We love you Malachi Raymond. We can not wait to see your face, and kiss your head, and show you how much our love for you has grown while you grew inside of me.
Forever and Always,
Do you know how much I love you? I love you more than you love ice cream or french fries or Lightning Mcqeen. I love you more than you love playing outside. It's true. And I love you more and more every day. And I will continue to love you more and more everyday, until I take my final breath. Because I am your mama, and you are my baby, and that is just how it is supposed to be.
When we found out I was pregnant when you were just 5 months old... I worried about how it would change your life. I worried that it wasn't fair to you, that you wouldn't be able to be my little baby anymore, that you would have to be my big boy. And it made me sad, and it made me miss the times I would have with you. But then we lost that baby, and I was sad that you wouldn't get to expereince being a big brother, and having a parter in crime and life and friendship so close to you. You will never know those things. But I know someday you will meet your little sibling who was never able to take a breathe on this earth... Someday, amongst streets of gold and gates of pearl, and a light that shines brighter than the sun.
And when we found out I was pregnant again, I was so excited for you my Asher boy. I was so excited that you would have a little sibling, to love, and grow with, and experience life with. I was so happy that you wouldn't have to field this crazy life with your crazier parents all by yourself.
On the day we found out that there was another little boy growing inside of there, we couldn't have been happier. We wanted so badly for you to have a little brother, someone to be your roommate, and friend, and partern in silly and sometimes crime. You and baby Malachi will be almost exactly the same age apart as your Daddy and Uncle Patrick... and they have been best friends since the moment they became brothers. I am so happy you two will have each other, I am so happy you two will always get to be in each others life.
Sometimes having a brother will be hard Asher Max... Sometimes you will feel left out, and sad. Sometimes you will feel jealous and hurt. Sometimes you two will fight. He might make bad decisions someday that will break your heart, and you might do the same to him. But I hope that you two will always be so thankful for each other. I pray that you will always choose to love each other, and turn the other cheek. I pray that you will help guide and encourage one another, to follow the path of Christ. I pray that you two will know an unconditional love and friendship that every group of brothers should now.
From the first moment we told you about the baby in mama's tummy, I knew what kind of brother you would be. A proud one, a loving one, a silly one. You looked at those ultrasound pictures with wonder, and patted my tummy with special care. You told people about the baby in mama's tummy, and smiled when you did. When we moved the crib back into your room, you wondered what was happening, but you took it with strides, in time. You love reading your "I'm a Big Brother Now" book, and pointing out Asher and Mama and Daddy and baby Malachi. And when you wake up you say "Hi baby Malachi!" and give my tummy the sweetest kiss. And you like to touch him and kiss him, and sometimes pretend to bite him... and tell him to "Sleep Good baby Malachi." I will treasure these moments forever. These special moments between brothers before you have even met.
And I know you will be such a good brother Asher Max. I know I will be so proud of you. And know, my baby boy, that I will love you forever and always and you will always be my first baby boy. You were the one who first grew inside of me, you were the one who made me a mama, and helped shape me into a better mama for all the rest to come. Know that when you feel lonely. or hurt, or jealous, that you can come to me. Know that you will always be my baby. Forever and Always, and throught all ages... I love you My Asher Boy.