funky funky... funky funky... brace yourself as the beat hits ya, dip tip, flip fantasia...
i've been in a blog funk.
for like a year and a half.
my mind is full of life and living... “But there it is — in the midst of life we are in death.” do you know what this quote is from? i think it is brilliant. and heartbreaking. and true. and telling of how my life has felt over the last year and a half.
and so, blogging does not always seem the right thing to do.
writing is not coming easily.
i could write about my life and the death it is facing... but it is sad, and hard to write over and over. how many times do people want to hear about my sick family, or my dear grandpa, and my miscarriage... it is hard to talk about, hard to write, hard to live... but that is what i am living.
i could write about poopy diapers and bumped heads and the constant struggle over what to make for dinner. but who cares? i am not inspired by poopy diapers or ramen noodles, so who else would be? it is boring, and nondescript... but that is what i am living.
i am living my life, and as hard and lost as i may feel sometimes... i am loving my life. but my life is far beyond ordinary, it is extraordinarily ordinary. i am a simple girl, with simple desires; faith, family, love. i love my little boy... i love my husband... i am learning to grow in my faith... but this does not always translate easily or enjoyably to the page.
my station in life is being a mom and wife right now. and just living. and it doesn't leave much time for blogging, or writing, or even deep thinking. if it is hard to think, it is hard to write... and so i have been in a blog funk. perhaps, all i have now is the livelihood i have become. i am.
“Is that quite fair, to deprive a man of his livelihood when he’s done nothing wrong? Your mother derives some satisfaction from her work at the hospital, I think, some sense of self worth? Would you really deny the same to poor old Molesley? And when you are master here, is the butler to be dismissed? Or the footmen? How many maids or kitchen staff will be allowed to stay, or must every one be driven out? We all have different parts to play, and we must all be allowed to play them.”
my part to play is a simple part. not a leading roll. i am more like a maid. but i too have my part to play. wife and mother and daughter and sister and employee and student and friend. i wish i had the mind to write. i wish i had the time...
but for now it appears, my role to play is just what it is... living as i am.
and so my blog funk may continue. and i will try not to discourage myself in it. because, i believe i am serving a purpose, and playing the role i was meant to play right now.
ps... both of these quotes are from the same place. do you know where? the names in the second should give it away.
emily... that is a lovely story and keepsake of your family! ramona bean will treasure it in the future, as you treasure it now.
gina... thank you for the prayers, and just thank you!
donna... we are hoping he keeps this desire for the outdoors. we both like to be outside, hopefully he will love camping with us in the future.
tiffany... thank you so much! i should mention, i photograph better than i look in real life. asher is growing too fast, can i slow this down somehow? you can call matt hot anyday. he won't mind.
rachel... thank you, we tried to get him to "moo" but mostly he just grunted. i chopped it all off the middle of august. i love it, matthew hates it. cest la vie.