loves his little boy. he plays with him and wrestles with him. he reads books to him, and always dresses him nicer than i do. when he cries in the night, it is always matthew who first suggests that we just bring him to bed with us.
i could watch them together forever. and i will, for as long as God gives me. there is something indescribable about watching the man you love, love your child. that child that you created together. that child that has his hair, and his toes, and the same ornery glint in his eyes. to watch the adoration in your child's eyes as they hug, and the look on his face when he's laughing at daddy... he doesn't laugh like that for anyone else.
matthew has been watching asher all weekend while i have been in class. and while asher is excited to see me when i get home, it is only for a moment, he loves playing with his daddy the most. he takes him to the park, and feeds him grilled cheese and doesn't make him eat his veggies. he lets him drink all the milk he wants. i know asher loves his days with his daddy.
before bedtime, it's matthew asher wants to hold him. he lays his little head on his chest and is suddenly comfortable and safe enough to close his eyes.
when asher came along, it was matthew who suggested we cancel cable. it was an expense we couldn't really afford, and it would give us more time to do things as a family. i was happy to oblige. the previous matthew i knew would never give up sports watching to be a family. this new matthew, this new daddy matthew would. i was seeing him in a new light. he was different as a dad than he was as a husband. when football season arrived, i expected him to dash off to the bar on sundays. he instead stayed home with us. he chooses us almost every time. his obsession with sports faded a little. he allowed it to take a backseat to his larger desires. his desire to be a dad, to be a family.
i have loved watching matthew grow in the last year. i have loved growing with him.
these past few weeks have been hard... me taking classes again is a sacrifice, not just for me, but for asher and for matthew too. and we know it will continue to be a sacrifice. and we get frustrated and angry and say things we don't mean. but in the end, we lay in each others arms and soak up the moments we have together. in the end we remember that in the long run, this is best thing.
without his support i couldn't do this. without his encouragement i would fail. if i didn't know how much he loved his boy, how well he takes care of him, i would never have taken the leap. and it is because of him i will succeed.
my husband, asher's daddy.