difficult...

i am difficult. i am beyond difficult.


i am selfish and self centered.

i am domineering and controlling.

i am bossy. really bossy.

my way is always the right way.

i am picky and particular.

i like things the way i like them, and i don't like them any other way.

i am critical and judgmental.

i am hard to please.

i am loud when i shouldn't be, i am loud when i should be, i am loud in nearly everything i do.

i am shy and anti-social to a fault.

i am an air head, i am forgetful, i can't seem to keep things straight.

i am self serving.

i yell, i scream, i don't laugh enough.

i get out of control.

i am rude without trying.

i say things without thinking.

i have a hard time saying things from my heart.


i am difficult. i am hard to love.

if i had to love me, i wouldn't, i couldn't. what it must take to love me, i will never know. i love myself fairly easily. but i have enough sense to realize how hard it must be for someone else to love me.

despite all my faults, i have people in my life who love me. they may be few, but i am so blessed to have them in my life everyday. what my matthew must go through... what he has to put up with... i am surprised i haven't scared him away yet. but somehow, in all my faults, he sees something worth holding on to. he sees the me i want to be.

there are some people in my life who see the me i could be, the me i desire to be, the me i was meant to be. they see the me i am underneath all the layers of crap, and they love me for who i am. they can see through the very worst version of me, to the very best version of me.
and i love them the same.

those are the people i cling to, the people who find me, the people i am drawn to.

the people who can see my intentions behind my erratic behavior, the people who can hear my heart whispering under my harsh words.

and that is just how it is supposed to be.

and i thank you. thank you for loving me. thank you for believing in me.

Comments

  1. Jennifer23:16

    I find you to be pretty easy to love...even from so far away. I miss you today. It was great to hear your beautiful, loud voice

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous01:21

    your honesty is a very lovable quality, don't forget that!

    Denise

    ReplyDelete
  3. You and I should hang out!
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well...I have to love you...because you are my sister...you would make me love you...

    I'm only kidding...I choose to love you, Sis...Not only because it's what God wants...but, I do see you...THE you. I see you almost every day because we work together...but I also see THE you every day...your heart is amazing, and the fact that you want to serve God so willfully is a trait that I admire...A trait that I desire... I love you, Sissy. Know that!

    ReplyDelete
  5. jennifer,

    i love you. i miss you so much. my heart is aching for you lately. i keep having dreams about you. not creepy dreams, just dreams.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh my gosh...the comment from your brother is a lovely gift.

    Your wonderful, maid of honor, brother.

    I think you should blog about that.

    Love
    Donna

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my gosh...the comment from your brother is a lovely gift.

    Your wonderful, maid of honor, brother.

    I think you should blog about that.

    Love
    Donna

    ReplyDelete
  8. donna, we sure have come a long way from chasing each other around the house tormenting each other. i have a brother that is also my friend. that is a gift.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Melinda Sue,

    I'm such a dork...did I ever thank you for the amazing Barnes & Noble gift card you sent me back in OCTOBER for winning your giveaway? I'm so sorry for the delay, but I was delighted. I liked the cute Halloween card, too. Thank you SO much! I went to the bookstore to buy The Art of Running in the Rain and came upon a different book:

    Fearless by Max Lucado

    I just felt God tugging on my heart to buy it. It has been a HUGE blessing in my life. I can highly recommend this book. I never realized how many of my emotions were fear based and how much God tells us in his Word to not be afraid but to have faith. A wonderful book! One I would have never been blessed with had it not been for your generosity and perfect timing.

    Thank you again! You rock! :)

    -Rachel from A Cupcake for Moose

    ReplyDelete
  10. Melinda,

    I read this.

    And I am glad to know that you are just like the rest of us.

    Love,
    me.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh, it is a comfort to know I am in the company of Steph and Melinda Sue. That's a fine crowd to be in (-:

    I, too, am in awe of the love I have in my life, Melinda. What a gift for one such as me.

    Glad I found your blog again. You're a great writer.

    Warmly,
    Di
    from Donna's comment section (-:

    ReplyDelete

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