c'est la vie..

life is not often what we dream it will be.

i never dreamt i would be sitting at a desk selling truck permits on the phone all day for a living. i never dreamt i would be married and squeezed into a tiny bedroom on my parent's second floor. i never dreamt that i would be 25 with children of my own nowhere in the near future. i never dreamt i would find someone who loves me as much as matthew does, someone who can look at me, hear me, and still love me. i never dreamt i would live 500 miles away from my cousins-my sisters, my best friend. i never dreamt there would be a day when i didn't talk to my aunties everyday, have them know everything that was going on in my life. i never dreamt i would live in nebraska forever. i never dreamt i would drop out of college. i never dreamt a lot of things.

and everyday when i am answering the phones, talking to truck drivers, wishing i was somewhere else... i think, c'est la vie. such is life. this is where i am. this is who i have become. and it is okay if my life isn't exactly what i dreamed it would be.

but is is also okay to hold on to the dream. and it is okay to mourn the dream that did not come to fruition. and it is okay to dream still...

i will never stop dreaming.

i will always dream i am in a different place, with my family and loved ones close by my side. i will always dream that jennifer and april and lizzie are so close to me they can hear me scream, or laugh, or cry. i will always dream i am a writer, spending my days with pen on paper, or fingers on keys, song and poetry and words in head, in heart, in soul.

i think perhaps if i dream enough, i can dream them into reality. maybe if i dream my loved ones here, they will someday appear. maybe if i dream of being a writer, someday a publisher will come knocking on my door. or maybe, in dreaming the dream you put your head and heart in action, making the dream come true.

i will always dream of my matthew, sometimes the real life thing is better than the dream. he is far better than the dream, even in football season, and video game addictions, he is better than the dream. because he is real. my dream didn't hold me while cried, or laugh with me, or keep me grounded when the dreams grow too big and ridiculous. yes, matthew is much better than the dream.

sometimes the dreams do come true. and when they don't. they don't. c'est la vie... you can hold on to the dream, hold on to the hope, and you can live right where you are. you can be just who are. you can be who you are now, and dream of the person you are to become.

c'est la vie... such is life. dreams or reality.


i love this scene.
i love this song.
i love jimmy stewart. more than life itself. he is my one true love. we are soul mates. shhh don't tell matthew.

perhaps, if i dreamed hard enough i could dream myself into the past and into a movie with jimmy stewart, where we will fall deeply and madly in love.

Comments

  1. this is lovely.

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  2. ugh..football season. don't remind me.

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  3. If you didn't talk to all those truck drivers....
    you wouldn't be able to do that hilarious impersonation of the truck driver from the south.

    Goodness gracious, you are a great mimic.

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  4. Beautifully said. Keep on dreamin', girlie!!

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  5. Hi! This is the first of your blog posts that I've ever read and I SOO identify. I'm 25 and my husband and I just moved into my parents basement and I'm working at a commercial roofing business!!! Interesting to say the least. :) Anyhoo... I'm excited about reading your blog! Thanks for sharing!

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  6. MS -- shipped your package yesterday! :)

    One of the phrases that haunts my heart is 'Stephanie, you were not what you were once becoming'... that somewhere I veered away from my passion for Christ in all of its fullness.... and OH I long to be that girl again, eyes on the prize, blinders for His glory. If someone has figured out how to maintain all of that passion in the midst of humdrum everyday life, please share it with me!

    Becoming....
    Steph

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  7. emily,

    thanks for coming by! glad i am not the only girl in my situation!

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  8. "i will always dream i am a writer, spending my days with pen on paper, or fingers on keys, song and poetry and words in head, in heart, in soul."

    One of these things came true...your fingers are on keys all day. Hahahahahahaha!

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  9. thanks jesse... thanks a lot.

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  10. No dreams means no chance of change..so keep on dreaming!! My life is certainly not what I dreamt it would be, but at 56 my dreams are now more realistic and grounded. I have big dreams...they involve a lottery win, a huge area of serenity in my life, a skinny arse and kids that make better decisions in their life. Now, how is that for big dreams..LOL! Grounded? Hell, no! I was just kidding about that part. Thanks for sharing your beautiful writing with us!

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