first day of school jitters...
my school bag is all packed.
it is waiting by the front door.
directions are printed, and my last purchase i needed to make for class was made this morning.
physically i am ready for class.
emotionally, i feel exactly as i did the first day of high school. scared, alone, and kind of sick to my stomach.
saturday my sweet mama will come watch asher while matthew works so i can head out to my first day of class.
i wonder if i will be the oldest girl in class. i wonder if the other kids will snicker and whisper, as i did at the older ladies in class my first time around.
i wonder if i will be smart enough. i wonder if i can still learn, or if the age old saying is true... "you can't teach an old dog new tricks"
i will miss playing with asher and watching football on the couch matthew.
i will have to put on real clothes and do my hair and make-up, something i am not accustomed to doing on the weekends.
it will be hard. for 4 weeks i will be gone from 7-6 on both saturday and sunday sitting in class. then for 2 more weeks i will be gone from 5-7 both saturday and sunday running around on my feet doing hands on training. i will not have a day off for the next 6 weeks.
i will most surely be tired. i will definitely neglect my chores. i am sure we will eat take out, making money tighter, nerves edgier, and asses growing.
but i chose this.
i choose to go back to school.
i choose to be scared and uncomfortable and feel like an idiot.
i choose this because this is the first step of an accomplished dream.
i choose this because i would want my son to accomplish his own... and someday while i am telling him he can be whoever he wants to be, he can do whatever he wants to do, with work and determination and time he can make his dreams come true. i don't want to hear his voice chime back "why didn't you?"
i choose this because it is what i believe will be best for my family in the near future, even if the short term is hard.
i choose this because if i have to work, i should be happy with what i do.
i choose this because i have an amazing husband who will support me, and family who believes in me.
i choose this because in this, i believe i will find a better me.
so saturday, with all the nervousness in the world, with fear and discomfort, and maybe a few glares, i will take the first step of this journey, i will be in college again.