Clock in Pennsylvania Station
it never seems like there is enough time.
there is not enough time with asher, before he grows into the next stage. there is not enough time in the evening for me to spend with my husband. there is not enough time to take vacation. not enough time to have a garden and still keep up with the other yard work. there is not enough time to make homemade baby food. not enough time to accomplish all that i dream.
there is too much time wasted in line at the grocery store; and far too much time wasted taking a shower, or sitting on the toilet. there is too much time wasted at work; and too much time wasted running errands.
it is so hard to want to give up the only time our family has to spend the whole day together. because every moment is of value and every minute is fleeting. minutes, you cant get back, moments that are too soon forgotten.
i often whine about not having time. i don't have time to blog. i don't have time to clean. i don't have time to read or write. i don't have time to have a garden. i don't have time to work out. i don't have time to teach myself how to sew. i don't have time to have friends. i don't have time to make my bed. i don't have time to serve others, i don't have time to help the poor. i don't have time to go to church every week. i don't have time to take a photography class, or learn how to cook a new meal. but this is not the truth. there are moments, minutes, hours, that i waste everyday.
i will always make time to sleep in, and there is always time made to sit on the couch and be. i have time to watch tv everyday. there is enough time to stop at target, and there is always time to shop for shoes and bags. there is time for a trip to starbucks; and there is time to read gossip magazines. the truth is, i have lots of time... but most of it i don't want to give up to do something a little more difficult. i work hard, i deserve to watch tv and just sit and be sometimes.
but that is not being a good steward with what God has given me, that is not being a good steward of my time, or my mind, or my body. it is not being an example to my son about what life is, it is not making my life the fullest it could be.
people will always make time for what they want to do (i believe this is also true about money, but that is for another day). and really... i like sitting. i like watching tv. i don't have to think, or act, or feel; i can just lose myself in a cushy seat and mindless plots. i can hold asher, and play with him, and we can have fun. but this is not being the best i can be.
i could make time to read and write, i could make time to blog. i could make time to shower everyday, and do my hair and makeup. i could make time to learn to sew, and i could make time to have a garden. i could make time to read and write. i could make time to do nearly anything... i may not get to sleep in, and i may have to give up a few mindless tv shows. i may feel too busy, i may really run out of time.
but i won't miss tv, and i won't miss the extra time sleeping. i may someday regret that i didn't take more time to try to accomplish my dreams. i may someday regret that i didn't make more time to be the best i could be. and i know i will regret, if the memories my husband and son have of me, are of reading gossip magazines and watching tv; dirty, unkempt, and lacking heart and soul.