i know you've heard the saying "when it rains, it pours"

while this might be true when talking about the weather where you are... i have come to realize it is definetly true when it comes to the weather of life where i am.

a sick baby, who has some brochular virus probably caused by rsv... and it is so sad i can't help but cry.  he is home and happy and on the floor making spit bubbles as i write.  but tonight when he is coughing so hard he throws up and wakes up every hour crying, i will cry too... because i can not make him better.  because i wish so much that i could.

a grandpa, who i was afraid of when i was a little girl, but as i grew i realized was really the most loving gentle man who would do anything for me... and he is sick.  and in pain.  and 500 miles away.  and i am here, and wishing i was kissing his bald little head and telling him how much i love him face to face.  i wish i could fix him. but i know that i can't.

a daddy, who's heart is just not working like it should.  who is tired, and uncomfortable, and just not himself.  the docotr's say  they need to figure out how to fix this, fast, because his heart is already tired and worn.  and it is hard to see him like this.  and it's hard to know how it will turn out.

a cousin who's sweet baby boy is sick, and has been for his whole life.  and doctor's who don't know what is wrong, or how to fix it, and are running out of places to turn.  and i am here so far away, unable to help her or hold her.  and i am here, and that sweet baby boy hasn't even met his auntie melinda yet... how much i wish i could kiss his sweet little face.

a mom, who is trying to hold it all together as her dad and husband struggle, but who is going through her own struggles that she is trying to ignore.  and i know her pain and helplessness is as great as mine, but she needs to take a step back and take care of herself too.

a best friend who is planning a wedding, half a world away, and i am having to watch it all from the outside, unable to be there with her in all this joy.

a cousin who is experiencing some of the greatest joy she can.  a true high point in her life... and i can only experience it with her via phone and text.

and with all of these things added onto the normal life... stacked up bills, and empty kitchen cabinets.  a husband working overtime.  a house that i can't seem to keep clean and orderly.  work and chores and cancelled cable.  i am hurting, and confused, and experiencing a total lack of control.

i am finding it hard to hold it all together, i am finding it hard to fall asleep without tears staining my pillow.  i know i am not in control, and that if i were things would be much worse... but in this moment i am finding it difficult to give it to God.  i am finding it difficult to trust.  i am finding it difficult to smile and laugh.

i am spent.  i am spent and giving in to the doubt and frustration.  i am spent and allowing the tears to flow.

i am spent, and still continuing to live life... because this is life.  because i am alive.  because there is something greater in store.       



  1. Sarah Anne10:36

    I love you! And I know how you feel ...

  2. love you sarah. wish you were here. maybe asher and iw ill come for a visit some weekend soon.

  3. I am sending all sorts of hugs and good thoughts your way. My youngest had RSV and was in the PICU for a while and it was very, very scary. It gets better...this too shall pass.

  4. These are the days....
    you have so much on your plate.

    You are loved.
    Your baby is loved.

    Life is one big roller coaster.

    Hang on honey. Continue to find the magic in the ordinary.

    Love those you can love. Big Love for all!

  5. Sarah Anne18:58

    You can come visit us anytime. I have all the baby stuff still so you could travel light :)

    PS - Asher is sooooo cute!

  6. gina15:49

    Thinking and praying for you...

  7. Axelle11:17

    Dear Melinda,
    we all have those sad moments in our life. Hang on.
    I use to say to my children :
    "never forget that, across the clouds, the sun is always here, just hidden. When you'll feel down and sad, remember that tomorrow is always a new day and things can get better. Never give up hope of tomorrow".
    Melinda Sue, 3 months after the birth of my first child, I felt as you seem to feel, now.
    It's totally known : My doctor told me (years ago) 3 or 4 months after the baby's birth, mothers were more fragile.
    Because, before those 4 months, every thing is up and down, there's a lot of joy, and scare, and discover. But after 4 months, you begin to "get one's breath back", to organize your life and all your hormone begin to go down, to go back to their real place.
    I don't know if you can understand what I say, but it's VERY HARD TO EXPLAIN THOSE THINGS IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE THAN MINE ;))))
    Just want to say : Don't worry, Melinda SUe, it's normal.

  8. Karen F.13:16


    These are tough times. You are exhausted, you are blessed but sometimes feel guilty for complaining as you know others have it way worse, so that adds to your frustration.

    Don't be afraid to ask for help and support from anyone who offers it, whether it's a family member or not. Remember to take some time for yourself so you can feel renewed and ready to jump back into things. My friend always described being a mom as the drinking well. EVERYONE needs to take fresh water OUT, but after awhile, there's nothing left and then EVERYONE is left empty, mostly the well............you have to REFILL the well, and that means doing something for yourself without guilt.

    Sorry to drone on and on, but I wished when I was raising three active, strong willed children, I had a person or place I could have left them with to renew myself.

    Take a deep breath, think about what would fill you back up and ask those who love you to help.

  9. Life is so heavy right now, I know full well. But my heart goes out to all of you out there, somehow it's so much harder when you're far away. Kiss that daddy's bald head for me and I'll kiss grandpa's bald head for you:) Keep pressing your momma to take care of herself. I love you, Minna


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