boxes and boxes and more...

i am the kind of person who keeps everything.  it's kind of a fault... and kind of not.

i am not the person who has rooms and rooms full of crap.  i do not have so much stuff saved that we have no storage space for it all, or can't pull our cars in the garage... at least not yet.  and i throw things away... but there are sentimental items i can not bare to part with.  i still have important toys, and my entire collection of porcelain dolls.  i still have all my chidren's books, and the puzzles i loved to do the most.       

when matthew and i realized we were pregnant, i couldn't wait to go dig in my parent's basement.  there, carefully hidden between mouse poop and snake holes and spiders as big as my head, is all of my earthly belongings.  important toys and books and papers and puzzles and everything from my childhood.  there also hides my boxes of ruined barbies... my beloved barbies that my mother let some random kids play with while i was in europe for 6 months.  i came home to headless and tattered barbies.  and every time i see them, i cry.  but that is besides the point.

when we found out we were having a boy, i realized ome of those things would have to stay wrapped up in decaying boxes in my parents far too damp basement for a little while longer.  but some things i knew i would get for asher.  my porcelien dolls and all my stuffed animals stayed under wraps.  all my dolls, and some of my girl books stayed trapped beneath cardboard.  but my lego and duplo collection now reside under our stairs.  have you looked at legos and duplos lately?  they are expensive!  kids toys have hardly changed since i was young... they are just more expensive now.  i am so glad that i moved mine from colorado, to a closet in ashland, to a storage unit in ashland, to a basement in swedeburg, and finally back into my home and under my stairs.  some of my old kids puzzles are now tucked neatly in my armoir under my tv.  my old disney vhs's i never replaced to dvd are stacked nest to my puzzles.  my captain kangaroo board game and bible picture lotto, my adorable wooden picture dominoes are all mine again.  i have dozens and dozens of kids books hiding in every room. 

and there is some little piece of sentimental little me that loves that asher will be building and creating with the same duplos i did.  i wonder if he will build the same things as me.  i love that books my dad gave me that he read as a little boy, i now have to give to my son.  i wonder if he will love reading and demand "just one more" before bed time each night.  i wonder if his chubby little hands will have a hard time with the same puzzle pieces i did.  and i am so glad that i kept those toys.  i am so glad i have them to give to asher.  i am so glad we won't have to buy those things.

and digging in my parents basement was like therapy.  pictures that i kept packed in boxes.  old letters and cards from loved ones, old notes passed between friends in class.  my mr. t and mary poppins puzzles.  my popple, and my care bear.  my shirt from cubbies when i was 4.  my pioneer girl sash and badges.  my ruined barbies... tear. my senior class picture and graduation cap.  and among those boxes that i had filled with my memories, were boxes filled with memories that my mom had of me.  cards that they got when i was born, baby quilts made with love.  the calendar my mom jotted down my important milestones on through my first year.  some treasured baby clothes, and tine baby shoes.  a baby book she started and never finished.  a lock of my hair from when i first got it cut, my whole ponytail from when i cut it all off when i was 6.  and boxes and boxes and boxes of old schoolwork and artwork.  i laughed at all the boxes she had kept.  it looked like she had kept every school paper i ever had.  but she held the pieces of paper in her hands, her eyes a million miles away... and just told me "just wait and see..."  i knew when she held those papers, the pictures i drew, the writings i wrote, she saw my 4 year old face.  she pictured holding me and playing with me and hoping i would never grow.  she remembered my first steps and the first time i was sick.  she remembered my bee sting at the park, and the leach stuck on my leg at the lake.  she remembered rocking me to sleep, and singing to me, and praying with me at bedtime.  she remembered comforting me after a hard day at school, and swimsuit shopping with me. she remembered she remembered what it was like to be a young mom, and the mom of a teenager.  she remembered what it was like to be a mom helping her daughter grow up and make adult decisions.  she remembered. 

and i knew i would see what she meant when she said "just wait and see..."  because soon it will be me not wanting to throw out asher's papers and wanting to hold onto every memory i have of perfect little him.  soon it will be me wishing i had finished his baby book, or even written down his accomplishments on a calendar.  soon it will be me remembering reading to him, and building with him, and taking him to school.  soon it will be me remembering taking care of him while he was ill and hanging his art on the fridge.  soon it will be me digging through our basement with my grown son, picking through his boxes, looking for duplos that he and i both played with as children.  soon it will be me.

and i will treasure every moment i have with him now.  i will take each day for it is.  i will hold him when he is crying and cranky.  i will tell him i love him.  i will pray with him.  i will look at his face everyday and memorize what it was that day.  i will treasure every second i have with him, because i know... someday it will be me.      


  1. Anonymous18:00

    Great Blog today. I sure do love reading your blog. You know how to reach deep inside my heart!

  2. Anonymous12:12

    Melinda Sue, I thought of you yesterday as I was going through old magazines to give to our magazine exchanges at the public library and at our church. I found a quote by Dana Torres
    "They may become harder to achieve, but your dreams can't stop because you hit a certain age..."

    Another one was from Audrey Hepburn:
    "Nothing is impossible; the word itself says, 'I'm possible!'"

    Good for you holding onto your toys and books. Hope you and Asher have tons of fun with them!
    loving prayers, jep

  3. jep. thanks for the quotes. thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

  4. I hear you...I am to the point where 'it is me' in many ways. My son is going to college in the fall and my youngest is already ALREADY ten.
    I love for my kids to use the same toys I did, too. I love that they love The Little House on the Prairie tv show (and books, of course, but c'mon who beats Michael Landon as Pa? If I ever need to cry on demand all I'll do is plug in an episode where Pa's chin is trembling because his crops were destroyed. Again.(sorry if you didn't watch the show and I'm speaking Swahili haha) like I did, and still do.
    You have so much to look forward to raising your boy!


Post a Comment

Popular Posts