where i do all my thinking...

i do all my good thinking in the shower...

there is one thing i was always certian of. i was made to be a mom. it is what i was meant to be, how i was meant to spend my life. that is one thing i always knew. now it is happening. i am almost a mom. and now that the moment is arriving... i have never been more scared. i have never been more unsure. i have never felt more unprepared...

and i can't seem to shake it... not even in the shower.


  1. gina09:04

    You will be a fantastic mother - no doubt :) You can see it in your face, you can feel it in your writing :)

    Your son will be so blessed to have you as his mother...

    Thinking of you on these last (sometimes rough) days...

  2. What you're feeling is totally normal...there are so many things pertaining to wifehood and motherhood that no one tells you about...and one is that you will feel so lost. Hang in there...you can do it...and we are all here to support you!!

  3. I really hate it when people say...you'll be fine... it always makes me think...how do you know that? Are you in my head? Inside my skin? How can you possibly know that I'll be fine when I don't? It's a bit like having someone say... your going to love this... or That doesn't really hurt...how the heck could they possibly know unless they are in fact with me inside my skin?

    What I can tell you is...before our oldest was born I was terrified...and before our second I worried endlessly that I'd never be able to love a second child as much as I loved our oldest. It's not possible to explain completely to a young woman ...what it feels like to be a Mom...how your heart swells when you realize that you never realized just how much your going to love this little man. Motherhood comes with not just a set of duties, but also a set of emotions that you have never before experienced... I can not tell you that you'll be an amazing Mother, though I certainly suspect that is the truth. I can tell you that if women are honest, most will admit to feeling frightened of the unknown as their due date approached.

  4. Funny...I do all my thinking on the john...

  5. I will just say....

    stop thinking....

    snap out of it!

    What can you do to occupy your mind for the next two weeks??
    Six episode...pride and prejudice?
    Gone with the wind?

  6. Anonymous13:54

    Melinda Sue, please know that we are praying for you and God is right there with you loving you through all the thinking and the feelings. Back in June I read a devotion that is kind of about what you are feeling. It said, "The paradox is that we must be confused for a time before we can be clear. We have to dip our bucket into the depths of doubt and confusion before we pull it up to the surface light of clear decision. It's much like inhaling and exhaling. Those who try to be clear all the time without dipping into the courage of their uncertainties can become shallow. No one can, or should be clear all the time. It is like baking a cake--in the beginning there is only a mess of ingredients. It's suppose to be that way." Praying you will become more sure and less scared. love and prayers, jep

  7. That is really good stuff jep!

    I say...Go see The Switch!

  8. Axelle the french reader16:02

    How you feel right now is totally normal, don't worry.
    Who could be totally secure in front of something he doens't know ?
    The most difficult, in my opinion, is to accept to not be the perfect parent. You'll learn, you'll do great things and you'll be wrong sometimes.
    But, still in my opinion, love will be the most wonderful help in your mother's job.
    This felling is really strong !

  9. M - I was the opposite - not sure if motherhood would suit me. in many ways, I was right. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I used to joke about how people would say that they realized how selfish they were when they got married. Yeah, right. Have some kids. Never a moment to yourself until they're gone, and even then they suck all the energy out of your brain and heart. I can no longer multitask, because my synapses are too full.

    And then, one of them will run up and hug me for no reason. Or I'll be challenged by a friend who reminded me 'We are not in this for what we get out of it, we are in this for who they are becoming'. And i have little epiphanies - little glimpses - of 'getting it'.

    I could never have predicted how hard it is -how relentlessly physically exhausting the first months and years are, and then how emotionally exhausting the rest of it is. But that the Lord would share these little people with me, and use them the shape me for His glory - well, it's the best discipleship plan you could imagine.


    ps - I totally believe in you. You can do this.

  10. To keep your mind occupied your MIL said? JAG all ten seasons!


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