today is my 199th blog post. just to let you know.
it is still my dream to have a big family. it is our dream, matthew and i. and someday i know that dream will come true. we will have our big family, and it will be exactly like we dreamed, and nothing like we dreamed, each and every day. for now, we have baby number 1 on the way. and our excitement is growing every day.
yesterday we made our way to the doctors office for our 20 week ultrasound. i was anxious, and excited, and bubbling with joy (and the occasional gas bubble, i'm sorry, did you not want to know that?) i checked in and nervously texted matthew over and over, watching out the window for his red truck to pull up. i was so afraid he would miss this very special day. when i saw him pull up i finally sat down and began reading my book. matthew clicked and clacked on my phone, getting the ongoing brewer game updates (what was i thinking scheduling our ultrasound during a brewer game. that is a big conflict of interest for a boy like mine). i think i read the same paragraph 20 times, and matthew sighed at least every 30 seconds, until they called my name. i shot up, faster than lightning. i was ready to meet that sweet baby boy or girl growing inside of me. matthew followed me still clicking and clacking for baseball updates.
that first glimpse of that little baby was incredible. it looked like a real person now, not like the little peanut floating around in the big orb that is my uterus. i could see a face, a profile, a spine. matthew and i stared at the screen as she pressed and pushed at my uterus, and circled the wand around my growing middle. she told us what she saw as it showed on the screen, and matthew asked very educated scientific questions, i would never ask. as she moved form one view to the other i could hear the phone clicking and clacking, still searching for baseball updates. i cleared my throat and turned my head just long enough to give a good stare, and the phone grew quiet again. "i think i see the sex, but the umbilical cord is in the way, it looks like a boy, but i cant be sure." "ohhh..." i whined. i wanted a solid answer... a this is a boy, or this a girl, not a i think its a..." she continued on, probing, and moving, and flashing more pictures on the screen. a foot. the brain. all 4 chambers of the heart. she measured leg bones, and head size, and estimated baby weight. she looked at arms and legs and hands and feet and fingers and toes. then the baby moved. "wait the baby moved, i think its going to give us a good view of the toosh..." we held our breathe as she changed view again, and then it came... "oh yah, no doubt about that, its a boy. you're having a baby boy." we looked at the screen, and i screeched, "its a boy! matthew, its a boy." we wanted a boy. she continued the ultrasound, but we had what we came for. i have the picture to prove it, and it is definitely a boy. the ultrasound tech said something about never seeing such a clear shot before. and as she finished, we were happy as larks. we are having a boy. our dream is coming true.
i dragged matthew to go register for baby stuff, straight from the hospital. we dreamed and talked and forgot a lot of stuff from the registry. we bought baby's first outfit, and went out to dinner to celebrate. i could not stop smiling all night, i don't remember being so happy. our dreams are coming true, and this real. real life is becoming the dream. that doesn't happen very often in my life. where reality matches the dream.
and our love is growing. our love for each other, our love for this little one. we are filled with love, surrounded by love, and ready to lavish love on our baby boy.
so its snips and snails and puppy dog tails for us... exactly how it was meant to be.