a reason...

French Cartoon of Diving Lady, Now Smile Art Print

the victoria's secret swimsuit catalog showed up in my mailbox a few days ago. and i quickly ran over the pages and oogled all the bikinis. i was dreaming that i had many of them, and that i had the body that fit perfectly inside of them. and then i oogled a little more, and dreamed a little more, and then swiftly threw it in the trash can... i didn't need those skinny pretty girls staring at my growing pregnant body and judging me. no way. to the trash can it goes.

but the truth is, if i were thin and fit and beautiful... i would wear this everyday. or this. or if i were really daring, this.

i am not kidding. i often think that God must have made me not hot, so i wouldn't be a floozy. that must be the reason i am fat, why i struggle with my weight... God is just trying to make sure i am not a floozy. its kind of nice of him really, to look out for me like that. matthew is always there to so gently remind me... "uh, melinda i don't think God made you fat." yah. i know. thanks for reminding me, love.

if i was thinner and hotter... i would have lots and lots of bikinis. lots of mini dresses and tank tops and maybe the occasional pair of daisy dukes. everyday, i would simply slap on some mascara, leave my hair long and wild and natural, and go out to the meet world. i would always take vacations to the beach.

and my way more conservative than me husband and i would probably not be married. he would have just thought i was a floozy and never taken a second look at me. and i kind of like him, so i am glad he took a second look, and i am glad he loved my conservative self, and i am glad we are married.

i am not that girl. the bikini girl. i probably never will be. and that's okay. i am a girl who wears layers. lots of them. and most days i love myself despite the layers. i am a wife, and a soon to be mother. and i am happy, and loved, and free to be me. i am not defined by my bikini body... or lack there of. in fact, no one really is. because in the end, none of that really matters...

the me in my head is that hot and beautiful girl wearing the bikini with long hippie hair, taking beach vacations. i am confident, and sure, and happy, and kind of look almost pretty in some light... and when i look in the mirror, the picture doesn't match what is in my head... and maybe someday, it will match up. maybe.

but until then, you can find me on the beach wearing something like this...

<span class=">
Baigneur de Soleil I
Jennifer Garant


  1. Oh man. That is SO totally me. If only I didn't think of myself as the hot, pretty little thing, I would be able to lose weight because I would actually think I needed to. Lol. Ok, so I know that's not exactly what you were saying, but it helps that you're so gosh darn beautiful. Love ya.

  2. Jennifer23:20

    This striped little unitard get-up is quite lovely! I especially love the shoes! Sometimes April and I would put the VS swim catalog on our workout machines as motivation...but we only worked out twice so it wasn't very effective.
    You are so beautiful! You will be the most lovely momma!

  3. You make me laugh! I think you are gorgeous! Seriously, everytime I see pics of you on you or your Donna's blog I think, dang she's pretty. Bikinis are overrated. I think they are a mean trick to taunt 95% of the population who can't buy them. Excuse me, while I go find some chocolate for breakfast. :)
    Hope you and baby are having a great week!

  4. You're right.....
    You are all Matthew could handle. As is.

    He would never have liked the wild, bikini clad, Melinda.

    He loves you just the way you are.

  5. I hate bikinis because I think they're so cute and I can never wear them. No one wants to see my stretch marks. You make a good point: Steve wouldn't like me either if I always dressed like a "floozy" (funny word). I guess it all worked out. Maybe we should go to a pool sometime and laugh at all the girls in bikinis and think of what tools they must have for boyfriends/husbands.

  6. p.s. Just last year I decided to let Katie wear a bikini....
    seems the time we can wear a bikini is so short....
    Why not!

  7. rachel, at least we are hott in our minds.

    jen, i once bought a bikini and hung it up on my mirror in my bedroom, so i had to look at it everyday. i lost about 15 pounds, but nowhere near a bikini ready body.

    rachel @ a cupcake for moose, your chocolate for breakfast would have gone perfectly with my left over mashed potatoes for breakfast.

    holly, even most slim girls don't look good in bikins. and mid summer when i am huge pregnant and hot as heck, we should make our way to the pool, we can laugh at the bikini clad girls, and i can "accidentally" knock those skinny girls into the pool with my pregnant belly. (although if you keep it up, you will be one of those skinny girls i want to push into the pool)

    donna, i love baby bikinis. if we have a girl, she will be wearing a little ruffled baby girl bikini next year. i haven't worn a bikini since 7th grade. i am glad i had my two piece hay day sometime.

  8. Anonymous20:30

    That's it, I'm starting my daughters on diets of cream puffs, banana pudding and carmel rolls!!!

  9. anon,

    now, that is funny. matthew and i got a good giggle out of that.

  10. Axelle the french reader11:34

    Melinda, you seem to be VERY BEAUTIFUL as you are !!
    The more I grow up ... (become older, ok), the less I accept and tolerate all those restrictions that we endure to be as OTHERS want us to be. If your husband loved as you are, as you were, GO AHEAD (we can say it ??). The pictures of you are full of energy, sunshine and beauty ! And I'm sure that's how you are !!
    No matter bikini !!

  11. When I was visiting my mom and dad earlier this week in the Twin Cities, my mom had the Lands End catalog. Now they have bikinis but they also have some really cute cover up suits...but my mind went through the same thoughts. But my more strung around the idea that I'm missing out on the best years of my life because Ive struggled with my weight since I was 16 and I've never been able to wear cute teeny bikinis.


Post a Comment

Popular Posts