rare

Silence
Erin Clark

it is rare that i have nothing to say. i usually ramble on at a million words a minute, whether anyone is listening or not. my mind is always reeling, and my mouth always spews the words it is thinking. i have something to say for everything. it is very rare that i have nothing to say.

but...

i have nothing to say.

i have no words to write.

i am at a loss.


i have experienced this several times in the last few months. moments, situations, experiences, that have rendered me completely speechless.

and when i do not know what to say, and when i do not know what to feel, when i do not know how to react, it is too easy to feel hopeless, lost, afraid, unsure. i find peace in knowing there is someone or something out there who gets it. and it doesn't matter that i do not have the words, it doesn't matter that i do not know what to feel or how to react, there is someone who can feel it all... there is someone who understands.

"There are thoughts which are prayers. There are moments when, whatever the posture of the body, the soul is on its knees."
Victor Hugo

and it doesn't matter that i don't have the words, that i do not know what to say, it does not matter that i feel lost, and clumsy, and kind of stupid, for not knowing what to say or how to act. because there is someone there, who can read my thoughts, who can feel my heart, who knows, although i have no words, what i mean... and my thoughts, my heart, my feelings, become a silent prayer. and that is all i need. for someone to intercede for me. for someone to turn my feelings, my heart, my thoughts, into silent prayers.