next step...

when i was a little girl i loved playing with dolls. i played with dolls morning, noon, and night.

i had lots and lots of dolls, and doll clothes, and doll bottles, and a great handmade doll crib. i had doll diapers, and doll food, and doll socks and shoes. i had doll carriers, and doll blankets, and doll diaper bags. i never had a doll stroller, i would have died for a doll stroller. i gave my dolls baths, and fed them, and changed them, and loved them. my dolls went with me everywhere. honestly, i played with dolls beyond the age most girls play with dolls. honestly, i still have a love for dolls. i saw a baby alive on the clearance rack the other day for only $18.79, i almost bought it. i had it in my hand, i had it all the way to the checkout aisle. then i thought about explaining my purchase to matthew, and i left it on the front aisle in between $5 movies and $5 wine bottles.

when we played house, i always played mom. who would ever want to play the child? been there, done that. it's called real life... i wanted to be the mom.

if you asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up, my answer would be "a mom". my dreams flitted around amongst doctor dreams, and teacher dreams, and writer dreams, i wanted to be everything. no matter what my dream job was, i always knew i would do it with a baby on my hip, and another on a leash keeping them away from the crazies.


as life moved on, i grew older, and i thought there was a possibility that i may be meant to be single. not a wife, not a mother. i thought God might have something else in store for me. but then i met matthew. and i quickly gave him my heart completely (well... not so quickly really, i knew him for 2 years before we had our first date... but i think somewhere in my heart i always knew he was it) i gave him my heart, and i loved him so much, and my dream of being a mom was closer. one dream down, i was a wife. another dream yet to come.

we decided we would wait, we wanted to be selfish, and just spend time together. and as we waited, we wondered if i could even have children. again, we thought my dream of being a mom, and his dream of being a dad, and our dream of having a family would be out of reach. between doctors visits and ultrasounds and blood tests and inconclusive results, we came to a peace knowing it may be out of our hands. that maybe, just maybe, it would just be the two of us forever. we decided if we couldn't have kids, we would travel every year instead. we decided we could have exchange students, and be the best aunt and uncle ever. and we took advantage of the thought we couldn't have children.

and a year later, when i peed on one of the hundreds of sticks of the last year... i was shocked when i saw 2 lines staring back at me. i swore. i cried. i hit it in the back of the drawer. i thought this was not an option for us, i thought we were going to be childless. how are we going to have a baby now? what are we thinking? what did we do? and i walked out of the bathroom and downstairs and kept my mouth shut tight, while matthew wondered what was wrong.

and the next day i peed on a stick again... and saw the same two lines. i couldn't keep it inside now. i walked out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where matthew was making his eggs and english muffin. "matthew... i think i'm pregnant." silence. he just looked at me. he hugged me and told me he loved me, somber faced and monotoned, and i cried. and that was it. i was pregnant.


that was several weeks ago, and today... i have grown past the shock. (matthew is still working on it... but he doesnt have a baby growing inside of him) we are still scared. we are still unsure. we still wonder how we will do it. we wonder how we will afford it, we wonder what kind of parents we will be. we are scared about the baby, we are scared about us, we are nervous about the future. we wonder if we are ready to make the sacrifices, if we are ready for the pain and hardwork.

we are excited, and wondering what the baby will look like, or if it is a boy or a girl. we wonder if he or she will have red hair. we are curious to see how people react when they find out. we are anxious, and confused, and scared, and happy, and trying to find the peace that passes all understanding. we are sure it is is in God's hands, that we are in God's hands, that little baby B is in God's hands. we are sure He knows better than us, and are sure it will be the greatest experience of our lives.

our dreams are coming true, and we are entering the next step of our lives. the unknown, but the sought after, and we couldn't be happier. and on september 3rd, our dream will become a reality, as a tiny baby boucher is placed into our arms... and we relish in the joy of becoming mommy and daddy for the first time.



Newborn Twins Sleeping Photographic Print
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
Elizabeth Stone


"The moment a child is born,
the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new."
Rajneesh



"It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge."
Phyllis Diller



Young Family Playing with their Newborn Child after Choirs Photographic Print

Comments

  1. I am finally Uncle Jesse! I love you, Sissy! I am praying for Matthew and you!

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  2. Anonymous21:39

    I am finally going to be a grandma or mamaw....I can't wait until September to hold your little one. I love you.
    Mom

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  3. AH!! Congratulations! You're going to be a great mom!

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  4. Anonymous22:00

    Congratulations! Will pray that you have a wonderful pregnancy!
    Liz in NC

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  5. Jennifer22:05

    little baby B! I love that! I am so excited for you! You will be wonderful parents! Don't be nervous and enjoy every moment, it will be perfect! love you

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  6. Steve and I are so excited to meet this little baby B! Well, I know I am. Our men can be a bit hard to read about baby stuff.

    I told my mom your news (because she feels she is close to you and matthew after that loaded questions game) and she is so happy for you guys, too.

    And then, of course she said, "another little one for you and steve to practice on" because all moms have to insert a phrase like that into their married child's life at least once a week.

    Luke and Melanie got Elizabeth and Meghan doll car seats for Christmas. I bet you would have loved that as a kid. I would probably have got frustrated w/the child lock seat belt and threw it against the wall.

    This comment has turned humongous, and all I wanted to say was "YAY!"

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  7. Oh this is just wonderful news!!!!! Congrats Matthew and Melinda, we are so happy for you. All of these feelings are normal. I remember thinking that there was no turning back....not that I would have wanted to but it just felt so real and final and big. And it is. God will give you wisdom and guide you through this parenting thing. It is exciting and wonderful.

    Love you guys,
    Janet

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  8. How exciting!!! God's timing is, well, perfect. Congrats!

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  9. We are so happy!
    We already love your little baby booshay!!!

    Love
    le petit biscuit to be

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  10. Congrats! How wonderful!

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  11. gina08:38

    What beautiful news!

    My heartfelt congratulations :)

    HOORAY!

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  12. Can you hear my excited squeals over here in Ohio???? Congratulations!!! You'll be fine!!! YEAH!!!

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  13. Melinda,
    I remember well all those mixed feelings. I agree with what others have said...you will be fine. I would guess you will be great, actually.
    Congratulations!!!
    Di

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  14. Congratulations! I learned the great news from Donna's blog. You two will be amazing parents. Much health, love and happiness.

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  15. Awwww, Melinda.
    I couldn't resist popping over here from Donna's blog to wish you guys all the best. You will be wonderful parents. I can't help but think that Donna's sentiments that she "was made for THIS" will apply equally aptly to YOU.
    Many blessings,
    Susan

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  16. Congratulations! I can only imagine how hard it would be if you never thought it possible and you set your mind to your life being a certain way. Then everything changes.

    You'll be wonderful parents. There isn't a doubt in my mind.

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  17. Robin from OK11:48

    Congrats...once he/she is here you will never know what life was without them!

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  18. Ruth Ann11:57

    Oh happy day! Congrats to you and Matthew. My youngest daughter, Lauri and her hubby, Todd are also expecting around the middle of August. We are very excited. This will be their second. They have struggled also and then it has finally happened again!
    You will be exceptional parents; i don't know your folks, but of what i know about Donna and Patrick...and the love you all have for each other and how wonderful parents they are...you will be super GREAT parents!!! Enjoy the ride and this wonderful life that is growing inside of you; there's nothin' like it!!!
    Ruth Ann in East Texas

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  19. AJ in OK...
    I don't know you, but I can tell in your writing...you will be a wonderful mother! I, too, am pregnant, but with my third child. It's a love you can't explain! Children are God's gifts and you will cherish every moment with him/her. Congratulations and I wish you all the best. God Bless you and the baby!

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  20. HOORAY FOR YOU!!!! Who has babies when they can afford them...or when they're (snort!) READY??? You'll be amazing parents. I'm praying for you both, and for Baby B!

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  21. So happy for you and Matthew! Congratulations, Melinda!

    ~dawn

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  22. CONGRATULATIONS!!! Oh, Melinda, I am so happy for you, for you both, and for your whole family. Blessings!

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  23. Anonymous13:37

    This is Mamie in Texas and I send my most heartfelt congratulations! We have a grandbaby due Sept.1, so it will be fun to see if your little one shares a birthday with our grandchild. Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father above!

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  24. Oh Melinda, what wonderful news!!! It is always a shock to think it is actually happening even if you are planning on having a child...lol! I think you and Matthew will be such wonderful parents. I heard the news on Donna's blog and just had to wish you good luck and a happy pregnancy!! :) My daughter indue with our first grandchild (a boy) in June. Excitement abounds at our homes as I am sure it does yours! Again, congrats!!!

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  25. Congratulations! As a mother of five I guarantee you can do it and do it well!

    Kim

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  26. Karen F.17:25

    Congrats to you and Matthew. I think the baby should call Donna, Grand Ma Ma...................because she's so grand! K.

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  27. Congratulations to both of you!

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  28. Anonymous23:56

    When I read this news on Donna's blog I gasped! I am so happy for you. I know without a doubt you'll be an incredible mom (and Matthew an incredible dad). God will work out all the details. I really will pray for you guys and the health of your precious baby!
    Denise
    (mom to four!)

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  29. anita09:22

    '...your heart walking around outside your body.'
    Dang right.

    My mom used to say
    "Your children just THINK the umbilical cord is cut- but it stretches to wherever those children
    go'

    God bless and keep your growing family!

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  30. Aww congrats Melinda and Matthew!! You will make great parents! Matthew is going to melt the second he holds his baby son or daughter for the first time. I'm so excited for you both!
    Happy Valentine's Day love birds! :)
    -Rachel

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  31. ps - you're never ready and you can never afford it. :)

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