new year, new you...

the other day i cried when i read my fortune cookie. (i've been doing that a lot lately... crying, not reading fortune cookies.) "dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become."

i am a dreamer. i have lots of dreams for myself. when i close my eyes i can see myself fulfilling all my dreams. becoming my dream. i have this fortune cookie attached to my calendar in the kitchen. as if i look at it enough, it will become true.

mostly i think new years resolutions are crap.

but this year i am making some resolutions. i am not going to call them resolutions. i think calling them resolutions may lead to earlier failure.

this year, i want to be me. i want to be the me i am inside... not the me i see in the mirror looking back at me.

i want to write. i want to be a writer. i want to be a good wife. i want to find a job i at least sorta like. i want to recognize myself when i look in the mirror. i want to be kinder. i want to give more. i want to care more. i want to love. i want to love others. i want to love myself.

so, i have just a little, tiny, itty bitty new years resolution. i mean uh... goal for 2010. goals i shouls say.

i heard today that most people drop their new years resolutions in 18 days. 18 days. so, how do i make mine last year for 365, or the 359 that are left. i don't know the answer that. i think the answer is to really want it. and i mostly want it. but do i really really want it enough?

i am a quitter. i dont finish things. it's kind of my thing. and the thing is.... if i am going to be completely honest with myself. i want the end result. i don't want all the hard work that it takes to get there. i want the bikini and the trip to hawaii. i don't want the treadmill, and gym bills, and steamed veggies. i want to work from home, my job just pen meeting paper. i dont want to write and try and try and try and fail a hundred times. so how do i make that desire for the end result so strong that i dont mind doing the hard work it takes to get there? this i don't know. this thing, i have never mastered.

so maybe, all my goal for 2010 can be condensed into one smaller goal. find the drive. find the desire. find the you that wants it enough. to accomplish that would be to change 26 years of bad habits, 26 years of indecision, 26 years of non belief. it would mean altering the parts of me i have known for my whole life. it seems a little daunting. it seems impossible.

how bad do i want those dreams? enough to change my whole life? only time will tell... only i and Christ hold the key that can change.

but as my fortune cookie told me, "dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become."

so i will continue to dream, and maybe if i dream enough. this time, i will become.


  1. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4). The Lord gave you those hopes, dreams and creativity...He will make them fly and become real! I'm cheering for you in 2010 Melinda Sue! :)

  2. maybe you can motivate me and i can motivate you, because i also just want to get to the end result w/o putting in the work it takes to get there. is it lack of motivation or lack or results that makes us quit?


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