buying stock...

matthew and i often play the game... if we had the money to invest, what would we invest in.

wind energy companies. cable networks. car companies. microsoft. oil companies. ramen noodles. usually something we use, or something we wished we used, or something everyone we know uses, or something the government endorses.

my fallback, every time... pregnancy tests. we should buy stocks in home pregnancy tests. and now boys, here is your chance... i have given you fair warning... you can stop reading now. or don't if this is your sort of thing, whatever floats your boat, creams your twinkie, makes your skirt fly up.

i know i am not the only girl in the world who is peeing on a stick when her little monthly friend isn't at least two days early. and heaven forbid it be two days, or, if you can imagine, 2 weeks late, a girl might go through 3 or 4 or 12.

if you were to open a medicine cabinet or a cupboard in any given bathroom across the united states, (assuming a pre-menopausal female lives in that bathroom) i am willing to bet, you will find a pregnancy test. i may or may not know this from experience, i may or may not open cupboards and medicine cabinets in strangers and friends homes. hmm... what...

no matter how the economy shifts, women will be afraid of getting pregnant. no matter how the economy shifts, it will be cheaper to buy a pregnancy test and pee on a stick then it is to pay a copay at the doctors office. no matter how the economy shifts, women will want clarity now... not 2 days form now when the doctor can squeeze you in.

women will never accept 1 test as a know all. women will not accept 1 test as a for sure positive or negative. they will want a second, or third, or fourth opinion. and they will go to the store, buy that over the counter pee stick, and rush home. rush home so they can know. and know now. so they can know if they can have a celebratory margarita, or a celebratory milkshake. so they can plan to put that extra $100 in in the bank, or buy those really hott new boots they are dying for.

this world revolves around knowing, around knowing the unsure, around knowing the future, around knowing how to deal. and even if the result brings more unknown, uncertainty, more questions. knowing the answer to one problem, to one question; even if it creates 100 more problems, more questions; is just the kind of knowing we are looking for. and that is why we should buy stock in home pregnancy test companies.

and, maybe we would become really really rich. and maybe, just maybe, they would give me a discount. cause those suckers aren't cheap. and i may or may not be one of those people who wants to know, and know now.


  1. On the flip side, you could also invest in condoms. 'Cause even when they're used it's likely a pee stick will be used as well...

    I'm just sayin'...

  2. My friends father was on the ground floor of the birth control pill. He got rich, rich, rich!

    I hope you get your hearts desire soon.

  3. Anonymous17:24

    Too funny!

    We purchased stock in "Great Plains Software" before it became Microsoft Business Systems. We purchased it because, the CEO was a friend and one of the kindnest men we knew. It was a good decision.

  4. Anonymous17:25

    PS A positive test should never create 100 problems...but, rather 101 possibilities

  5. Anonymous18:25


  6. Every time I need one of those sticks, I swear there is one in my cupboard, and there never is.

    They sell them at the dollar store, just so you know. I'm not sure how accurate they are at that price. We all know real pregnancy tests cost an ungodly amount.

  7. the more you stress about being late the later you are because of the stress. when i moved and got in a car accident all in the same week i was like a week late, then i got paranoid about it. then once you find out everything is ok you get it like the next day.

    this is not patrick but i'm too lazy to sign out. if patrick was ovulating i'd be surprised.


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