9-1-1 emergency...

last night i was driving home from babysitting, half asleep in the pitch dark of night. by the way, i should clarify... i am still driving a rental car. the po-lice are still holding my car hostage. so, it is late night, pitch black, i am dog-tired, and i am driving my rental car the 35 mile trip back to my parents house where we are temporarily residing. i have music blaring, and the air conditioner turned on high in an attempt to keep my eyes from drifting closed, and off to sleep. i hit the final stretch home, and begin to relax a little. i finally realize i will not die from falling asleep at the wheel, at least not tonight.

ahead of me on the road, i can see the glow of eyes catching in the light of my headlights. i squint at them, trying to catch a better look. they aren't deer eyes, they are too big for deer eyes, and they are moving in a haphazard way, not the graceful glide of a deer. i look harder... wait those eyes are moving toward me. they are moving fast toward me. i slow down, as i approach. as i get closer i can see the great beast of a cow running down the middle of the road at full speed. he is as alarmed with me, as i am with him. (and yes, i know... a male cow is really a bull right?... i still call them cows, boy cows. so you'll have to deal with it.) his huge eyes dart frantically, and we both come to a halt at the the same time. he stares at me a moment, as i do him, and he darts his eyes frantically from side to side, trying to decide where the heck he should run. i assume he is running away, what cow would honestly get loose, and then try to run back into a gate where they will spend the rest of their short lived life? he decides to run east... heading straight toward the feed lot just 1/4 mile away. "poor darn cow", i think to myself. he has no idea what is in store for him that way.

and then i can't help but think about the farmer that might be missing that cow, and i wonder if they have a gate down, or a fence broke, and if all their cows are out wandering the road alone and scared that night. i am driving right through the university's cattle land, and wonder if it is some cow they are doing freaky testing on, and if him escaping as ruined millions of dollars worth of research. and i wonder why they don't have an emergency number to call when there are farm animals loose.

who do i call? 9-1-1. "9-1-1 whats your emergency?" "umm , yes i just wanted to report a loose cow roaming the country roads, i could have hit him," silence on the other end. crickets chirping. "hello?" then the voice comes back on the phone, irritated. "ma'am... is that it?" "yes. i guess that's it, i didn't know who to call." i laugh nervously. "we will send someone out." click. yah. 9-1-1 is probably not the number to call.

the wahoo police. yah right, they people who have held my car hostage for a month for no reason, they might get to investigating the incident, in about a month or so.

the sheriffs department. hmmm... what are they going to do, call every farmer in the area, asking if they are missing a cow? and while you are at it, you know that young drunk man you pulled over driving a red focus a month ago, that was my car, and now i have been without my car for a month, do you think you can get the wahoo police to release that sometime soon... no? okay. i don't think they will help the cow, the farmer, or me.

when you smell a gas leak, there is an 800 number you can call, there is an 800 number to call if you suspect child abuse, have a gambling problem, or need to report a minor in possession. there is 800 number to call to report a power outage, get a bug in your food, or need to find the closest gap. there needs to be an 800 number i can call if there are livestock wandering the country roads at night. someone needs to get the cow out of the street, and some farmer is losing money if his cow is missing. and i had no one to call. why is there no emergency number to call to report loose livestock.

excuse me... mr person in charge of livestock or agriculture in the state of nebraska... we need an 800 number to call... will you please do something about that, i could sleep a lot easier knowing i could call someone for help next time i meet a cow in the road in the pitch black of night.



  1. Oh Melinda!! This is so funny!!

    Have you gone by to visit your car?
    My friend Amy told me to get on the phone and don't hang up until you get your answers when I was dealing with the nutty irs.

    You might try that tactic.

    Emma has been using it when dealing with front office at school. It seems rather effective!

  2. that is SO FUNNY!!!!

    your goodie bag will be shipped out tomorrow. can't wait!


  3. that is SO FUNNY!!!!

    your goodie bag will be shipped out tomorrow. can't wait!


  4. donna,

    the insurance company looked at my car last week. aparently it is okay. they just won't let me have it. the county attorney has sent me paperwork they want me to fill out. after 8 voice messages, and 2 conversations, i decided i am not helping them, until they help me. the paperwork is still sitting in my purse until someone answers my questions. the criminal has his first court appearance today.

  5. you could've called 911 and then they would connect you with the non emergency line. and it'll probably be a while before you car is released. my friend got her's stolen at the CWS and it took over a month to get it back.

  6. they probably don't have a phone line for loose animals because you're the only person ever to see one on the road and not hit it. pretty impressive, i must say.


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