out of sight...
when i was little girl i loved looking at the stars. driving in the dark i would stare out the window searching for constellations and hunting for the brightest star.
as i got older when i needed to think, clear my head, feel the presence of God, i would lay under the stars. i would grab a blanket, wrap myself in it, lay in the driveway, and simply stare at the sky. i can not tell you how many times my dad pulled into the driveway from work and nearly had a heart attack when he realized that lump int he drive that he almost ran over was his daughter. if i had a bad day, if my week was hard, i would drive out to an area where there were no houses or businesses or street lights near with a friend of mine. there we would talk and pray and dream and simply be, under the stars. that place were we used to drive to, has an interstate running through it now.
my family has cabins in the middle of the gunnison national forrest. about 30 acres, high in the mountains, away from everything. the stars. oh the stars in this place. you can not imagine the majesty. the stars take over, there is no room for empty sky. even the grumbling sound of a bear, or the rustling trees in the darkness can not disturb the peace of the stars looking down at you.
i could look at the stars forever. glimmers of shine, light, sparkle, fire, each placed in the sky by the gentle and powerful hand of my Creator. in them i find clarity, peace, joy. i find power, strength, majesty. in the stars i find love, forgiveness, life. in them i find a piece of my Creator, a piece of my Savior, and a tiny little piece of me.
last night i was driving home, not dreaming the horror stories i normally dream when driving alone in the dark. i was dreaming of love, and life, and my future. i was dreaming of homes, and jobs, and babies. i was dreaming of my matthew, and growing old, and being happy and safe in his arms. as i drove i dreamed, the road becoming a background to my hopes and dreams and future before me. and then there it was.
a fiercely bright light caught my eye, and when i looked up, it was the most spectacular sight. the most incredible shooting star i have ever seen. if i blinked, i would have missed it... and still it was as if it went on forever. the enormous glowing blue and green and teal tail shot gracefully, swiftly through the sky. colors i have never seen before, indescribable to my human eyes and tongue. i could hear it, whistling, shooting, soaring, i am still not sure if the sound was real, or something my mind created. it was too marvelous for words. directly in front of my car i saw it soar, stream through the midnight sky. the other stars stared at its wonder, made way for it to pass. i was unable to breathe, staring wide eyed at its perfection and majesty. my car was stopped, and i sat, unable to move. unable to blink, or sigh, or close my gaping mouth. i simply sat. it scorched through the blackest sky, and i could feel it searing my chest, leaving a permanent streak across my heart. i grabbed my chest, for fear my heart would burn right out of my body. i could feel it all the way in my toes. tiny electrical charges igniting my every nerve. i braced myself for the impact. i thought it would hit the ground, leaving a crater, causing a fire, i knew i would feel the ground give way to it's power and grace. but i watched that little star burn to non existence as it neared the ground. evaporating as if it never were real at all. leaving no evidence of it's existence except for the imprint it left on my heart, and the searing image engraved in my mind forever. it lasted for just a second, i would have missed it if i blinked. but in that glowing second, my life made sense. i knew exactly who i was, and what i wanted, and what i needed to be. i knew my own heart, my dreams, my future. my insides ached from the amazement, and for just a moment, everything in the world made sense.
if the family i babysat for hadn't gotten home 33 minutes early, if i hadn't stopped for that coke at burger king, if i hadn't been stuck behind that train, if matt's truck had cruise control, making me drive precisely 3 miles over the speed limit the whole way home, if i hadn't had my eyes open, i would have missed that glorious sight. i would have missed the most spectacular sight i have ever seen in my life.
it was like it was sent just for me. like it was a gift for me that night. as if saying; "it is sealed in heaven..." my dreams, my hopes, my love, my life. and that little shooting star so brilliant, so majestic, so graceful, to remind me of who i am, to remind me of who made me, and who holds the keys, the keys to my life, my future, my home forever, and everything i am.
Shooting Star by Nicole Wong