my first two weeks of weight watchers has ended. my first two weeks of blogging has ended. am i a different person than i was 2 weeks ago? not even anywhere close to it. did i discover myself, you know... that me i used to be, that me i missed. no, not quite yet. but am i maybe even a tiny bit, just the slightest bit, i mean really really an eensy weensy bit different?
i am 4 pounds lighter. week 1 i was hoping for 4 0r 5 pounds. when i walked out of the closet to greet my husband with the news, i was more than a little disappointed. "i lost 3 pounds." i couldn't hide my frown. he says to me cheerfully "hey, if you lose 3 pounds every week this year you will lose like 150 pounds." uhh... thanks... i think... i didn't realize i had 150 pounds to lose. week 2. i did not count as well i should have. we ate out twice. i lost 1 pound. coming out of the closet to face my husband i felt okay. hey, i thought i was going gain 4 pounds... and he says, "well, you will have to work harder." yah. i know. thanks for the advice skinny boy.
but i feel good. 4 pounds in two weeks, not what i was hoping for, i was hoping for 8 or 10, but i know what i need to change. i was really inactive in the last 2 weeks, and i have not been drinking all my water. next week my goal is to get moving, and get peeing (those 8 glasses a day make me run about every 30 minutes).
i have not quit. and i refuse to quit. this time i will not let disappointment get me down. this time i will not quit just because i am not succeeding as well as i should. this time i will not be a quitter. don't let me be a quitter.
i am starting to feel more like me. it might be all the encouraging words from all you lovely ladies... maybe it is putting pen to ink. it might be God working in me, or it might be me seeking Him out in ways i haven't in years. but itty piece by itty piece, here i come. i am becoming more recognizable to myself, i am am becoming me again. and so the journey continues... to find myslef and find Him.
in between working, writing, reading, babysitting, cooking, dieting, and reminding my husband that our anniversary is coming up, i have been dreaming. i have been dreaming of new jobs, and new houses, and palm trees and the sun. i have been dreaming about swimsuits, and maxi dresses, and moving far away. i have been dreaming about babies, and the future, and what it might look like, i have been dreaming about starting fresh, somewhere new, somewhere different. i have been dreaming of change.
i think i have got change on the brain, and i am dreaming of all sorts of change. i do not like change. i am a creature of habit. when change knocks on my door i normally hide, get sick, get panicky, get grumpy.
not now. it's like change is calling my name, the possibility of change is freeing me, giving me hope... i don't know why. but i am embracing it. i am looking for changes all around me.
what dreams are in your heart, on your mind?... what changes can you not wait to make?