in which i return to blogging.
almost two entire years have passed, two years... and no one out there in cyber blog world misses me. because, you see, in order for someone in cyber blog world to miss me, someone in cyber blog world would have had to actually read me, or know who i am in the least. but the thing is... well the thing is for the last (almost) two years, nearly everyday i thought... i wish i had time to blog, i wish i had time to write, i wish i had time to read, i wish i had time to practice photography, i wish i had time to work out, i wish i had time to learn new recipes, i wish i had time time time... i wish i had more time to sit on my fat butt and watch tv... oh wait, that is what i have been doing for the last (almost) two years. and today... today i say enough. i have all the time in the world. the truth is i am scared. scared and lazy and self conscious and anxious and unsure and kind of sick to my stomach, but that may just be my frappuccino, i am slightly lactose intolerant... but mostly i am scared. scared that if i try any or all of those things and fail, that just makes me a failure. but what makes me a failure is feeling like i do, and doing nothing... what makes me a failure is sitting on my butt wishing i was doing something else, crying because i am not doing something else, but still sitting here making up excuses. so here i am. i refuse to be a failure... i refuse to be a failure before i even try, i refuse to be a failure for fear of being a failure. if i try, and i fail, i am not a failure. i took a risk. i refused to be held back. i dared to dream. and i want to be that dreamer, that risk taker, that believer. i want to be the me God intended me to be. the me i lost so long ago, the me who dreams, and believes, and feels and acts... the me i know i am. and it starts today... and it starts with this blog post. so maybe a better title for this post is "in which i return to blogging...and in return find myself again..."