can Christrmas be only a week away?

Matthew is gone.

Lizzie is here.

When we are together we eat too much, sleep too much, and our personal care takes a nose dive. Lizzie smokes like a chimney and curses more than ever. She speaks of all of the people i used to know, and the problems that make it hard for her to remain their friends. But she has found different friends. Different friends who do not challenge her, or aid her in her growth. Friends who do not love Jesus, and lead her in the way everlasting. She has made new friends, but still clings to the friends of the past. I am grateful that i am here, and that i have moved on in life, past the life we lived in high school. I miss my friends, i wish i were a better friend to them and called and wrote and visited more. But i am not sad to be away, i am not sad to be different than i was in a different way they they are all different now. And Lizzie leaves tomorrow, wanting to move to Omaha. She says that every time she visits. She wants a new life, and doesn't know how to change it. She will not move here, she will never be able to leave that life behind. So, i will pray for her. And i will pray that sometime she can get away, and find the reasons again for why she loves Jesus, and why she follows Him, and why it is vital for her life.

I miss Matthew already. I spend everyday with him. Even days doing nothing sitting around the house on the computer, and wrapping presents, not even speaking a word to each other for long periods of time. And i think those are moments i will miss the most over the next 4 weeks. And of course the fact that i will not be with the person who means more to me than anyone, on my favorite- and one of the most precious- days of the year. But i will venture to Wisconsin for several days. To see Matthew, and perhaps some friends of his, and see all of the Bouchers. That will be fun for me, perhaps not as fun for them.

All of my Christmas shopping was done weeks ago, and that is a feat i have never finished before. A few cards still need to be bought, but that is all. I was relieved to not have to shop in the Christmas rush. But lizzie needs to go today. Oh brother, out into the chaos i must go anyway.

My father must be changing and maturing in his old age, or at least falling more in live with my mother. For the last 5 days he has left a note on the table that says, "on the __________ day of Christmas, i gave my true love, a ____________________." Then there is a bible verse, and a horribly colored Christmas picture that looks like a toddler drew. He has one for all of the 12 days, and presents wrapped for my mother already under the tree. They always held hands across the center of the car when driving anywhere longer than an hour. They always hugged and kissed in front of us, and told each other of their love. They never left the house or hung up the phone or went to bed angry or without saying the words. For fear that it might be their last chance. I have only known about dad sleeping on the couch once in my long 22 years. He said it was mom's snoring, but it seemed not to bother him every other night of his life. But today, there is a sparkle in their eyes, a skip in their step, a sound in their voices that wasn't always there. Perhaps it is because of all the hard things that happened in the last 3 years, perhaps it is because now they are all alone, their two kids gone away to begin their own lives. Or perhaps they just found the freedom to love each other no matter what, and show that love like they never did before. Perhaps they found that in their prayers for Jesse and I to find true love with people who love us and Love Jesus above all else, they found that is the kind of love they have. Perhaps nothign has changed, and i only recognized it today. Whatever it is, it is refreshing to see, and I am so thankful that they are in this place. If i could have what they have forever, i will be more than blessed.


  1. Matthew is gone from here too.

    He has mono...and I have no control of my children.

    So, you really are coming to visit!
    Won't that be fun!

    I look forward to seeing you again!

  2. that silly boy. he has been talking about the alumni game since before thanksgiving. i do hope he takes time to rest.

    i am planning on coming. I kept telling matthew to call and ask you if it was really okay if i came. (since it was our idea, and neither of us live there) i think he said he finaly did so. i am excited to see all of you again too!


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