be the right person...

matthew and i watch a lot of sports...

okay... matthew watches a lot of sports, and since i love him and like to spend the little time we actually have together-together, i by default watch a lot of sports too.

one thing i always like to watch is dr lou. 

and i thought his advice to shaun white was so sweet.


"It's not important to find the right person, It's important to be the right person."

when he said this... it made me cry.  because nothing could be more true.

and because more often than not, i am not BE-ing the right person.  i want matthew to be everything i desire, i want him to fit the bill of the perfect husband... when i am no where close to fitting the bill for the perfect wife.

love is not looking for the right person, love is being the right person.

love is showing your husband you love him in even the tinniest of ways.  letting him sit in his recliner, when your back hurts and you want to relax.  having dinner made for him when he comes home late from work.  saving the last coke for him, even though you know if you don't drink it yourself a headache is right around the corner.  letting him have his night out with the guys, even when you never get a night out with the girls.  it means getting all dolled up and looking as good as when you were dating, just occasionally.  being patient, and forgiving, and loving, even when you don't want to.  it's making time for yourself each morning, so you can be there for him that night.  it's praying and serving and loving together.  it's being honest and serious and fun.

being the right person makes love that much sweeter.  being the right person is the only thing you can control in a relationship.  i can't control him. i can't make him love me.  i can't make him treat me a certain way.  i can't make him turn the sports off and read with me.  i can't make him bring me home flowers, just because.  i can't make him find a job he would like more, or try to achieve his greatest dream.  i can't make him say only good things to me.  i can't make him bite his tongue.  i can control me.  i can love him.   and treat him how he wants to be treated.  i can turn off the real housewives and watch another football game with him.  i can make his favorite dinner and buy him new socks.  i can work at a job that makes me happy, or at least not complain to him about the job that i hate.  i can say only the good things.  i can bite my tongue.  i can't make him the right person, but i can be the right person. 

dr lou was right, being the right person is far more important than finding the right person.  and you know what?  when you are being the right person, you might just find yourself with the right person.  when i am the person i am supposed to be, it it makes it easier for my husband to be the person he is supposed to be.

lou holtz may actually know what he's talking about.  and i my husband and my son deserve me, at least trying, to be the right person.

(buddy's halloween costume... he slept through all the trick or treaters looking for candy at our door)


  1. This is a wonderful post. What fantastic advice.
    I LOVE it. Thank you for sharing it.

    Remember the motivation behind your actions....
    it's for God, because of God that we strive to be the right person.

    Wonderful picture.

  2. Anonymous18:18

    If you want to know how to make a marriage work, ask a happily married couple. Dr. Lou is right on target and you are very smart to recognize it and want to be the right person. Photo, too cute for words!
    love and prayers, jep

  3. Anonymous23:49

    I hope you take it as a compliment that when I see a new post on your blog I adjust my position in my chair so I'm more comfy and hunker down to savor reading it.
    It took me about 8 years of marriage before I began to learn what you've written about here, and ten years after that I'm still learning but it gets easier every year.
    Matthew and Asher are blessed to have you as you are to have them. I love the reminds me of when my son was a newborn...almost 18 years ago.
    God bless!

  4. denise, you are alwyas such an encouragement to me! thank you.

  5. Anonymous15:37

    I needed to hear that message today-thank you.
    I found your lovely blog through Quiet Life.


  6. Anonymous05:54

    As someone who has been married for 22 years, I feel like I have some right to comment here. *grin*

    I think that being the right person is so much more than sacrificing. Instead of just giving up the last coke or the recliner or the remote (or whatever), you need to be able to feel that you can express your desires to watch a particular show on television or that you might want that last coke. What really matters is the conversation that follows both partners being able to express their needs to each other. You being the right person by constantly putting your own needs on the back burner is not healthy and creates resentment over the long term.

    I hope I haven't sounded too preachy. I only hope that your husband realizes the sacrifices you are making and follows your lead by being equally giving to you.

  7. melinda, i love this. i think i will post a link to it on my blog.


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