part three...

i watched as the pitocin dripped into my system, hoping and praying this would do the trick.  i needed to accelerate labor, or i knew i would end up with a c-section.  and that, apart from dying in labor, was my biggest labor fear.  i did not want to have major surgery.  scared.  freaked out.  not gonna happen.  so, as soon as they put that iv on the rack, and jerry-rigged up my cordless monitors... i was up.  i had that pole in hand, monitors strapped tightly to my mid section, and i was walking.  i felt the contractions come on stronger and stronger... and i just knew that labor must be progressing.  i walked and walked... and rocked on the birthing ball... and then i would have to lay down for a minute.  i had been in labor for nearly 24 hours... i was tired.  i was exhausted.  the external monitors weren't tracking my contractions very well... they weren't tracking baby's heartbeat very well, the little booger kept moving.  i walked and walked and walked and walked, and rocked and rocked and rocked... they told me the doctor would be back in around 6 or 7 to check on my progression since the pitocin.  the nurses kept telling me to try and sleep if i could, because i had been in labor so long, they were worried i would have no energy left to push.  my body began to shake, and the nurses wowed at my convulsing body.  "this is good, this means your body is working, this means labor is getting harder"  i went and laid down for about an hour, the contractions interrupting my sleep every couple of minutes.

i woke up at around 5, and walked again.  "i have to sleep... i can't do this.  the pain is manageable, but i have to sleep."  i was ready to cry.  "i think i'm ready for the epidural matthew.  i have to sleep, or i am never going to be able to push this baby out."  "are you serious?"  "yes, i'm sooo tired."  he rubbed my shoulders, as i told the nurse i was ready for the epidural.  she started my iv bag of fluids and called the anesthesiologist, as another nurse shift change came.  our new nurses wowed at my making it so long, and said that this epidural may help me relax and actually help labor.  i laid in bed for another hour while the fluid entered my system, waiting for the epidural, trying to sleep.  they woke me up and set me on the corner of the bed prepping me for the epidural.  this hunched over position was terrible.  when a contraction came every couple minutes, sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over, hugging that stupid hospital pillow was agony.  a contraction would come, and the the dr would let me straighten up and breathe through it... but really i was just wishing he would hurry and get it done... matthew stood in front of me, head down, holding my hands, unable to see the fist sized needle going into my back.  i told him he didn't need to stay.  he's a little squeamish.  but he decided to stay.  after a couple minutes, he whispers to me, "babe, i have to go sit down or something."  he kissed my head as i mustered out an "okay"  and one of the nurses fled to his side on the other side of the room.  i breathed through another couple contractions, and they adjusted the bed so i could lay down.  within minutes... i couldn't feel the contractions.  within minutes, my legs were unable to move on their own.  within minutes, i could relax a little... and rest.  a few contractions later, the doctor was in to check on my progression.  he said i was about the same, but they wanted to gage my contractions and progression after a few more hours of the pitocin.  my contractions were still not registering on the monitor, so they put internal monitors on me and the baby.  he left saying he'd back at lunch, and i closed my eyes and drifted off.  matthew sleeping in the chair next to me, i knew i was in good hands.  i knew who was by my side.  and i rested.  for the first time on over 24 hours, and really in the last 9 months... i slept uninterrupted.

a couple of hours later, the nurses came in and woke me up.  they wanted to put me in a position to better let the baby descend.  they raised my bed and sat me straight up.  it felt as if i would fall out of the bed, face first onto the wood laminate floor... but if this was what baby needed to descend, then we were going to do it.  matthew and the moms woke up and chatted with me, as they stared at the monitors.  i could feel nothing.  the contractions were finally registering strong and every couple minutes.  they commented on the monitor, and i wished i could get up and brush my teeth.   the nurses let me sit like that for a long while and then laid me back to check my progression.   a little more effaced, still 6 cm, the baby is still very high.  i knew what this meant.  it was almost lunch time, the dr would be in to check me any moment.  unless this baby dropped in the next 30 minutes, i would be on my way into the operating room.  the nurses told me what they thought was going to happen.  they explained to me why it was a good idea to get asherasher and i would be okay.  i prayed for strength for matthew.  they began prepping me for surgery, assuming the dr would make the decision for a c-section.  matthew held my hand and kissed my head, as my eyes filled with tears.  my body shook as they washed my tummy, started new iv's, and called the anesthesiologist.  we were preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.

they finished prepping me just as the dr arrived.  he smiled warmly, and checked my progression... nothing.  the baby was still really high, he hadn't dropped at all.  i was till 6 cm.  about 75% effaced.  he looked at me and said.  "there is still no further progression.  i think its time, i think we need to get him out of there..."  i nodded my head, tears staining my face.  the next 30 minutes were a whirlwind.  my body was shaking, my mind was racing, matthew didn't leave my side.  he held my hand, and kissed my head, and prayed with me.  i told him he didn't have to go in with me if he didn't think he could do it (remember, he almost passed out when i got the epidural).  i didn't want him in there if it would be too hard for him.  i didn't want to be worried about him and asher and me while they had my guts laying on a table.  he nodded his head, while the nurses tried to convince him it wouldn't be so bad in there.  they said most dads have a harder time with the epidural, and are fine in the operating room.  he decided he could do it, and i tried to take deep breaths to calm myself and keep the tears at bay.  the nurses gave me a play by play of what was about to happen, and before i knew it, matthew was slipping on a paper jumpsuit and mask while my mom and mother in law kissed our faces, hugged our necks, and said their see you soons.

and that was it... it was happening... i was being rolled down the hallway, matthew by my side, on our way to the operating room.  a c-section was upon us.  the moment was coming. our son would be here soon.  i fought back tears.  tears of fear and disapoinment and wonder of what was to come.  i whispered prayers into the heavens and breathed deeply, watching my husband closely.  this was it.  there was no turning back now.

to be continued... 


  1. i swear, reading this saga makes me both contract and lactate. your writing is so compelling, it brings back every memory. I had a VERY VERY VERY similar experience, which i'll tell you someday, but i only share that to tell you that i KNOW what it's like to wheel down that hallway. But OH the blessing of that boy!!!


    you are loved.

  2. Anonymous00:37

    Yes compelling is a very good word to describe your writing. Once again I was caught up and swept away in your story. I'm hoping you can tell the rest soon! :)

  3. Anonymous13:01

    Such good writing, I feel like we are all there going through it with you! Thank you for sharing.

    love and prayers,

  4. Oh Melinda, I look forward to having children some day. Your writing definitely reads so well. Donna stopped in to the bank last week and told me you were recovering well. I don't think she knew I was reading your blog. I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep it up!


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