on the verge...

i have been on the verge of tears for days now. remember the other day when i said i haven't been overly emotional? yah... i may have been a bit premature with that proclamation.

for days, my eyes have been welling with tears over the most ridiculous things.

the other day we had a bad experience at the verizon store. which first let me say, i love (sidenote- when verizon bought alltel, there were problems in certain areas where their merger would make them a monoply, and laws prevent monopolies--which i think is ridiculous, if they are a monoply, it is because they are offering a service which everyone wants, if everyone wants it, they should be able to get it, what does the government care if over half of nebraskans have verizon phone coverage? but that is just my humble opinion-- anyway, to prevent a monoply in the air, verizon had to put a huge chunk of their alltel and verizon customers up for sale. large sections of their towers, and the phone numbers which were serviced by those towers. it's not their fault, that is what law says they have to do. end side note.) i have had verizon service for 10 years. when we went into the store to get matthews broken phone fixed, they said they can not even open our account at their store, and that we would have to call their customer service line, or drive an hour to the one store in the area that can service us. we walked back to the car, where i gushed. i gushed huge, alligator, makes no sense, tears in the car.

yesterday we were at target, wandering around for a couple hours. which is, by the way, my favorite pastime. but matthew usually gripes the entire time. he didn't gripe, and we had fun laughing, trying on bike helmets, and dreaming about patio furniture. as we were checking out, i spotted an adorable blond haired, blue eyed, slightly chubby, little boy. he was about 2 or so, waiting in line at the photo studio with his mom. he was wearing the most adorable navy blue cap and dress shirt and tie. like this one. "matthew, look at that little guys hat. that is so sweet." "yup, he's all ready for his pictures." and i quickly had to start fighting back the tears so i didn't have a crazy, pregnant woman, breakdown in the middle of target.

at work, during a moment when i was not busy, and mostly sitting and thinking about how much longer it would be before i needed another bathroom break, my boss brought me a simple 2 minute task that i needed to get done quickly. just set it on my desk. and i took one look at it, and niagara falls nearly sprung from my face.

sitting here at my desk, now, thinking about all those little things that make me cry. my eyes are stinging and hot, and i am wondering if i may break open soon. watch out. it is very possible. don't even think about bringing a baby with a cute hat on in my direction.

events that would normally ensue tears and crying and freaking out; just aren't. when i felt the baby move the other day for the first time... nothing. no tears. or yesterday, when somebody shared a bible passage that they read and felt they needed to share with me, and then continued to tell me that they believe God will provide for matthew and baby and me, no matter what, and give us two huge boxes of pantry food items... no tears. not a thing.

and so begins, the remaining 21 weeks of pregnancy. you never know what will get me. or not get me. the emotional wreck, crying craziness, of this pregnant woman has been released. watch out now.


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