the rut of all ruts...

i am a bad wife.

i mean terrible.

the most desperate housewife in the history of desperate housewives.

i have not made dinner in over 40 days.

we were so busy working in our house that we have been eating frozen pizza and ramen noodles for days.

i am not kidding you.

this is some kind of rut. a serious rut.

we have hardly even bought groceries. i have yet to replenish pantry staples like flour, sugar, and canned veggies. (sorry patrick, next time you visit i vow to have sugar for you coffee)

and my dear husband... he loves me still. i have not been cooking, but he has still had to do the dishes. he has had the seriously short end of the stick in our cooking/cleaning up deal.

and today... today... the rut had to end. if my husband had to eat one more frozen pizza, or one more corn dog, our marriage may have ended.

so i surveyed our bare cabinets and nearly empty freezer, and found something we could eat. actually, i won't steal the credit. matthew found something we could eat. i just made it my own.

hello bagel... how do you do?

both of my parents worked full time growing up. we ate out a lot. or ordered in a lot. when my mom did cook, she made quick and easy meals, and we always had to help. there are only so many quick and easy meals out there, so we had to mix them up.

an easy way to mix up a burger... use a bagel for a bun of course. we call them... wait for this, you will never guess... we call them bagel burgers. original i know. i just died.

and i wasn't messing around. that is a full half pound, 84/16 no 93/7 like i usually buy. what? weight watchers? diet? i can't hear you over the sizzling butter, beef, fat, grease, and deliciousness on my stove top right now.

medium rare burger, cooked inside on a grill pan.

sauteed sweet yellow onion. be still my heart. i love grilled onions. if i was cooking for myself i would have added some mushrooms. there isn't much i wouldn't do for a good batch of grilled onions and mushrooms.

provolone cheese. i would choose swiss regularly. but, again, the grocery store hasn't been high on my priority list.

philadelphia whipped cream cheese, with a couple dashes of hot sauce.

and obviously, a toasted bagel.

and since i already blew that "eat healthy" crap for the day, why not have an ice cold brew to go with it. and forget that lite beer, tonight it's full calorie, full body, full flavor... one of those heavenly dinner. one of the heavely dinners that tomorrow will have me wishing i just ate the ramen noodles.

there's nothing like watching the biggest loser while eating greasy fattening food and drinking beer. it is my favorite past time.

and now i need to get out of the rut for good. i need to start cooking dinner again. my marriage depends on it. so please... if you have have some easy, simple, quick, delicious, and a lot less fattening than the one i just ate, recipes... please share them. i need them. my marriage needs them.

i kind of like matthew, i'd like to keep him around a little while longer.

like, maybe forever.


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  2. you're such a delightful person, I'm sure he'll keep you. I have to admit that burger looks good and I'm not a big fan of burgers.

    Let's see...quick and easy quiche (I know quiche isn't guy food, but TRUST ME if my man will eat it, any man will)
    2 frozen pie crusts (the kind without the top that come in a ready to bake tin)
    2 cans cream of mushroom soup

    8 oz grated cheese...I use either swiss, or mozzarella, or monterey jack (my fave)
    4 eggs lightly beaten
    I also add sliced mushrooms, but I think your hubby doesn't like them so feel free to add them to only one of the quiches (I do this cuz my kids hate 'em)
    1 lb ground turkey

    cut slits in the crusts and bake them @ 400 for about ten minutes

    brown turkey and drain grease
    mix eggs, cheese, soup, and browned meat together in a large bowl
    remove crusts from the oven and divide the mixture evenly between the two crusts. Add your mushrooms or whatever else you might want to throw in. Bake at 350 for about 45-50 minutes. Let sit for five or so minutes before cutting. Enjoy with a salad. Hope this helps! It's really fast and easy and pretty cheap. I just typed a lot and made it seem more complicated. :)

  3. eeww i am not a fan of the bagel as bread thing. patrick makes bagel sandwiches at lunch and i think it's so nasty. but i'm totally down with eating while watching the biggest loser! (don't tell me what happened we haven't atched it yet). i have tons of recipes but your boucher is pickier than mine so i'll have to ask patrick if matthew would eat it before i give it to you.

  4. The crock pot is the working girls best friend.

    Throw stuff in and dinner is ready for you when you come home.

    English Roast, Lawreys, water.


    Pork Roast, salt and pepper, little water.


    Mix in barbecue sause when you get home.

    One minute dishes.

  5. shelby, matthew is much better than he used to be about trying new foods. he is easier to cook for now than when we first started dating. and i have learned to "boucher-up" most recipes. plain jane them.

  6. YT,

    that sounds delicious... i will definetely try that.

  7. Yeah...let me start by saying that I am no chef. When I was living alone I would eat frozen pizza and salad almost every night. But Bagel Burgers...A Herman tradition! A delicious tradition at that. I could eat those every long as I don't have to prepare them.

    As a side note...I need to visit you more often, Sissy. In other words...I need to eat your food more often. Bye.

  8. jesse, you are welcome over anytime...but if it's food you're coming for make sure i am actually cooking before you come... you might have a huge disapointment if you don't check first.

  9. What about bean burritos or homemade nachos--
    - a can of black beans rinsed, drained and cooked
    - a few flour tortillas heated
    - cheese, salsa, s. cream

    Bake in the oven at 400 until cheese is melty:
    chips, green and red pepper, onion, rinsed and drained black beans, cheese

  10. ok here's some patrick really likes

    in the slow cooker put
    2 cans black beans
    2 cans corn(even though i forgot that)
    1 jar salsa
    3 chicken breasts
    put it all in with the chicken on the top cook 8hours on low or 4 hours on high. shred the chicken before serving. put in tortillas. yum.

    blt pasta (a regular in our house)
    12oz pasta
    2 tsp olive oil
    5 slices bacon or turkey bacon
    1 onion chopped
    1 pint of cherry tomoatoes
    3/4 tsp salt
    8 cups romaine chopped
    1/3 c parmesan cheese

    cook pasta, reserve 1/2 cup pasta water, cook bacon, onion until onion is golden brown. add tomatoes ans salt to skillet and cook until tomatoes soften. place lettuce in large bowl, add pasta water to tomato mixture, bring to a boil. pour over lettuce. add pasta and cheese.

    honestly just go to the grocery store and get a few cooking magazines.

  11. well i don't think i need to tell you i'm not here to drop off a recipe.

    i do want to let you know that your 40 days has nothing on my three year streak. and steve still sticks around.

    i think you're safe as long as you don't discontinue the cable or drain out the beer. i know i am.

  12. Anonymous21:02

    Hilarious! 40 days??? WOW!! I think it's hard to cook for just 2 people anyway...and throw in moving and a new house..forget it!


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