5 hours...

today i was faced with my age and how it relates directly to my tech saviness.

i got a new cell phone. i think it is trying to kill me.

when i was growing up my computer training consisted of playing oregon trail and tooth busters in the apple computer lab once a week. most of my homework was still handwritten, and on the rare occasion i had to type something in elementary school, i was typing on my mom's old typewriter. when i think about it now, it is kind of embarrassing. there was no back button, no erase tape on her old typewriter. if i made a mistake, we would try to erase it with a pencil eraser, leaving black smudges everywhere. the lines didn't line up quite right, and from one line to the next, my words may, or may not be overlapping. my indentations never matched up, and my paper was always curled a little on the edges, for the hours it was in that roller, while my mom and i tried to make it perfect. bless her heart. she was the best mom ever. i know i came to class more than once with a note from my mom explaining we didn't have a computer, and that she helped me handwritten my assignment, because my handwriting was generally unreadable. it still is actually.


we had a computer long after our friends, neighbors, and schoolmates did. and when we got a computer it had a DOS operating system. my dad bought off a friend of his, who i think was going to dump it in the dumpster, but instead decided to make a few bucks off of his poor, naive friend. while my friends were discovering chat rooms and making, what i thought, were million dollar school projects, i was reading through pages and pages of type commands int eh notebook in the top desk drawer, trying to remember how to get to that darn greeting card maker, or the rare computer game.

we upgraded to windows '95 sometime in junior high. i was already hopeless. i can open word and write a paper, i can compose an email, i can clearly blog. i can order shoes and purses and pictures online, and i can stalk people on facebook. i know everything i need to know to get my job done at work, and not a single thread more than that. every time i call the IT guy i feel like an idiot, he clicks two buttons, and my computer is fixed. i laugh awkwardly and make a quiet comment about how retarded i am. they don't laugh. they think i am retarded.

my brother is only 3 years younger than me, and he has so much more computer knowledge. those 3 years made a huge difference in technological education. my brother laughed and stared in shock about a year ago when i made a power point presentation for the first time. when something happens to my computer at work, i ask him first, he can usually fix it, and look at me like i must be an idiot.


and today, i thought it was about time i upgraded to a smartphone. the problem is, you have to be smart to use it. i are not smart nuff. 5 hours later i finally got all the numbers added into my new phone, and downloaded my facebook application. and i am whipped. i tried for hours to get my emails set up, with no success. i tried for hours to get pictures uploaded onto it, with no success. i tried for hours to use my unlimited web browsing, but i can't get the internet to open properly. and i have no idea where there has to be 6,492 different icons and functions. my phone has not rang yet, and i am afraid when it does, i will not know how to answer it. rendering my "smartphone" completely useless. nothing has ever made me feel more unsmart in all my life.

computers, technology, modern appliances leave me feeling completely inept, and helpless. i kind of remind myself of my grandma. you know, my grandma who would call my brother or i to come over and set her vcr to record something she might want to watch later, or reset the channels when the electricity went out. yah, that is exactly how i feel. perhaps the 5 year old i babysit could come show me how to use this darn phone. i will have to give him a call, if i can figure out how to make a call...

perhaps a computer class at the junior college is in order here. it might be necessary for my future survival.


  1. bah! Computers....they are just a fad.

  2. hahahah. i kinda wish they were.

  3. Lori in MN14:10

    Even worse for someone my age!

  4. i think we had that same computer. i loved the oregon trail and fraction munchers in the only two necessary colors back then: black and green.

    i also used a typewriter - i used to write up pages of short stories on legal pads which made the white out look ridiculous against a yellow background. i thought the world was so innovative when they came up with electric computers and the erase button. boy was i wrong.

  5. i covet your smartphone.

    my tracphone has envy.

  6. steph, you make me laugh. you are one funny girl.


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