tears and freaking out...

late at night, nothing is rational in this mind of mine, all that i care about is shutting my eyes, and drifting to where things are perfect and right. if somebody tries to really talk to me, if somebody has something serious to say. that person should really wait til morning, or even better til the middle of the day. because a slightly saddening, a tiny bit maddening matter could turn me into a hurricane, into a tornado, into a serious disaster. i will say things i don't mean, i will do things i would never do, and all sleep will be lost, because that tiny little hiccup in life, will seem like a life long disaster. it will fill my mind, it will cloud my thoughts, and sleep will be disturbed. i may scream, i may fight, i will most assuredly cry my eyes out. if you are a person i especially love, you are in the most danger of this disaster. and when morning comes, i will feel stupid, i will feel hurt, and i will even feel lost. but mostly, mostly i will feel sorry. for being so silly, for acting so irrational, and for allowing myself to feel as lost as i did. and for possibly hurting those that i love. i am sorry. why i allow myself to do this, to get all crazy and swirly i may never understand. and even more i will wonder, how do i keep myself from doing it again, and allowing it all to happen again.


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