the sun does not always shine when you want it to.
sometimes it rains on the day we go to the pumpkin patch.
and on days when it seems to be too much, and you ask God for a reprieve, you instead...
wake up with a sore throat, a puffy eye, and a crying baby.
and when you get on the scale it shows a positive instead of a negative.
and then you pick up your car from the shop and it is still broke.
and then you blow a tire on the way to daycare, and are super late for work.
and prospect of finding your dream job looks bleaker and bleaker.
and the bills keep piling up.
and your grandpa is still sick. still dying.
and your baby is sick again. the dr finally admits this is not normal, leaving to you wonder.
and your husband has the same sore throat you do. and the same problems you do. and you wonder who's shoulder you will be able to fall apart on.
and all you wish is for the sun to shine.
that sun would shine and warm you from the outside in because in that moment, it seems like nothing else ever could.
but instead... when you look up there are clouds. grey and heavy. the skies agree with your mood.
and you are forced, to either wallow in the mud that the rain creates, or see the silver lining underneath.
see that you are not alone.
that when you have no other shoulder to cry on, God gives you His.
He reminds you that He provides for you... it may take Him to the last minute, it may still mean you wait anxiously for that next paycheck to come, it may not be the way you want. but He still provides.
He gives you a roof over your head.
2 working eyes, 2 ears, 2 arms, 2 legs. a strong back, sturdy feet, hands that touch and feel and write. he gives you breathe yet again.
and a husband who is alive to feel a sore throat. a husband who works despite his sore throat to provide for you.
a job, while it may not be what you dream, while it may keep you away from home more than you desire... still helps to pay the bills when so many can not say the same.
and He gives you a sweet baby boy with slobbery open mouth kisses and pats on the back.
He gives you far more than most, much more than you deserve, and asks for nothing in return.
It is just so easy to recognize the tiny rain cloud over your own head.
it is so easy to wallow in your own pain. it's so easy to forgot just how blessed you are.
and this day... i choose not to. i choose not to cry. i choose not to be grumpy, or sad, or short tempered. i choose to be grateful. for all that He has given me. so much more that many others. much more than i deserve.
i choose to see that silver lining, that usually i find so easy to ignore.