falling in love and neil young...

matthew and melinda (ignore my dad in the background... he tends to get in the way)
labor day 2008


matthew and i had been friends for nearly 2 years before he finally asked me out on a date. for months we had been interested, neither of us quite ready to make a permanent move that could ruin the friendship we had.

the day matthew left to go back to wisconsin for the summer, he came to my ghetto apartment to hang out and say goodbye. laundry baskets full of dirty clothes and borrowed bedding spilled out of his back seat, electrical cords and dirty socks blew wildly. the windows were down, his air conditioner didn't work. after chumming around my apartment for a little while, he started to look nervous. he wrung his hands, and bit his cheek, and stumbled over his words. "uhh... melinda, do you maybe want to go get some ice cream, before i leave? we can go to maggie moo's?" he shrugged his shoulders, and i can picture the look on his face like it was yesterday, his lip was quivering, and his eyes were searching, searching me, seeing if he could find what he was looking for. "yah. sure. let's go." what, did he think i would say no? he was one of my closest friends, and truth be told, i was already in love with him. i had known i was in love with him since valentines day. but really, this is ridiculous. we had been friends for 2 years, why was my stomach flipping turning and whirling? why was he biting his nails like tomorrow he would be allowed to no more? why was this different than any of the hundreds of times we had hung out before?

we slowly walked down to his car, and found our seats among the dirty socks and never opened school books. he plugged in his ipod and carefully chose a song. i shrugged down in my seat, and put my knees up on the dash, like any self conscious, slightly nervous, girl would. the song started, and i wondered what it was. matthew told me it was neil young, harvest moon. he told me it was the best song ever, one of his favorites. and as i listened to the words, my heart sang. this was the man i was in love with.





Harvest Moon
Neil Young

Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin'
We could dream this night away.

But there's a full moon risin'
Let's go dancin' in the light
We know where the music's playin'
Let's go out and feel the night.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.

But now it's gettin' late
And the moon is climbin' high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin' in your eye.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.


sitting there in matthews falling apart old honda, with no air, and the wind whipping wildly through the car, i knew there was no other place i would rather be in the world. not the eiffel tower, not at my family's cabins in the gunnison forrest, not in romania, or in louis vuitton. nowhere. the only place i wanted to be, was by matthew's side. it didn't matter that i was still unsure of how he felt, i knew his feelings would come, it didn't matter that he seemed afraid to touch me, that would come too... all i knew, was that i loved him.

we went to maggie moo's, and he bought me ice cream. his ice cream melted right out of cone in about 12 seconds, and dripped wildly down his arm. we laughed and laughed and talked about what our summer would be like without one another. i didn't want him to leave, i ate my ice cream slowly, and jabbered on and on about nothing. anything to keep him here another minute. i was about to lose my dear friend for the summer, and if he left now, i didn't know what was in store for us in the future. maybe our one chance, was this summer, and we would miss it.

he finally convinced me that he had to get moving, and we begrudgingly walked back to his car. where he played more neil young songs, and talked about why he liked neil young. i don't think i was really listening to him. i was only thinking about what was to come.





Heart of Gold
Neil Young

I want to live,
I want to give
I've been a miner
for a heart of gold.
It's these expressions
I never give
That keep me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.
Keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.

I've been to Hollywood
I've been to Redwood
I crossed the ocean
for a heart of gold
I've been in my mind,
it's such a fine line
That keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.
Keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.

Keep me searching
for a heart of gold
You keep me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.
I've been a miner
for a heart of gold.


we drove back to my apartment in pure perfection, and it was time to say goodbye. it was a whilrwind, a rush of emotion and feelings. i hugged him goodbye, and wished he would kiss me. he walked out the door, turning back to see my face again, and i cried.

that was the beginning. may 24, 2005. that was falling in love, and hearing neil young, and the peace of knowing where i belong.

my heart was his that day, and it will belong to no one but him til the day i die. he is everything i ever hoped for, everything i dreamed of, and he loves me. everyday, i choose to love him, and he chooses to love me.

Comments

  1. i can picture this scene perfectly. great stuff. matthew's nervousness makes me laugh.

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  2. Anonymous00:37

    beautifully told as usual! Amen to true love!

    Denise

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  3. Lovely. Sweet.

    It makes me so happy that you love Matthew so much....and that he loves you right back.

    I must take credit for Neil Young.

    Matthew never fessed up that he even liked those songs.

    But I will pat myself on the back for liking really cool music.

    You guys. You gave me Coldplay.

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  4. Stuart Briscoe defines love like this:

    'Love is a decision to be primarily concerned with the beloved, regardless of their response and irrespective of their condition.'

    Isn't that great? I love knowing that I'm loved like that. And I love loving like that. I pray that I'll become better at it as the years go by.

    Bless you.
    Stephie

    ps - was oblivious to Neil Young until Conan last week. Seriously. I thought, 'why HIM?!?!' Then he sang. wow.

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  5. that's funny we were watching conan (don't go there) and neil young was on and i said "is he playing heart of gold" and patrick said "no, i didn't know he had other songs."

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  6. Karen Finnessy18:11

    I loved your description of the moment, i was hanging on every word to see what was next.........oh Matthew, Mr. Speedy Gonzales! You must be very special for Matthew to fall in love with you.

    It's a good incentive for me to hug my hubby of 25 yrs. when he walks through the door, we tend to take each other for granted, thanks for spreading some young love!

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  7. B-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l, Minna- and I love this picture of you two. Can't wait to see you in March.

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  8. Amanda Sliva12:57

    Melinda, this is so cute! I love reading your blog. This story gives me hope! lol I Miss you so much.

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  9. Anonymous15:03

    You are inspiring!!! :)

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  10. Anonymous15:47

    Neil Young is the sound track to many peoples lives. Hes just so pure abd cuts clean through

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  11. Anonymous17:58

    Hi, I was linked to this site through a Neil Young website, thrasherswheat.org. If you receive an unusually high amount of comments, that could be where some of it is coming from. That's not the point of this comment though.

    That's such a nice story, and it always makes me smile to a story like this. I've heard a lot of great stories that involve Neil Young song, and this one is no exception. He has such an extensive and varied catalog that I've had plenty of great memories and moments relating to the man myself, although none have been as important and fulfilling as your story. I can only hope I'll experience a moment such as yours (except I'd be the guy, and oddly enough my name's Matthew).

    I don't know why I started rambling on like that, but I wanted to comment that even though I don't know you, I'm happy for you and thanks for sharing.

    Have a nice day!

    ReplyDelete

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