a simple sort of life...
several years ago i never would have imagined myself living in omaha, sitting on a ragged couch, in mismatched sweats, watching tv with matthew on a wednesday night.
i had big plans for my life. plans that didn't involve nebraska, discount sweats, or making my own dinner.
it more involved louis vuitton handbags, paris in the spring, and expensive dinners out.
but somewhere in the last 10 years, i changed. i am not who i used to be. my dreams have changed. my life has changed.
i used to dream of city scapes, chandeliers, fine china, and silverware. of 6 inch stilettos, fur jackets, and designer jeans. of traveling around the world staying in 5 star hotels. of fancy dinner parties, and wine collections. and closets full of designer shoes, and designer handbags, and only clothes from the current line.
10 years ago you wouldn't see me anywhere near a gas station bathroom, and you wouldn't even think about asking me to sleep on the floor or in a tent. there is no way i would check my own oil, or change my own tire. no way jose. i was far too good for that sort of thing.
i got my hair done very 6 weeks, and my nails were perfectly manicured. my pedicured feet rarely showed a callous or scratch.
i knew i would live a bigger life than i was living, i knew i was meant for something more.
but something happened somewhere along the line. i changed.
several years later i left on a 6 month mission internship to europe. i can not say that it was this that changed me, but perhaps it was a part of it.
for 6 months i lived on nearly nothing. i did not buy a single piece of clothing, i had no money to spend. every cent i spent was a cent i saved from my grocery budget. i was broke, and i looked ragged. my clothes were worn and faded. i had pooped and vomited in every kind of toilet imaginable, ones i would have never gone close to several years before. and i was happy. i was at peace. i was alive.
i watched the people and lives around me thrive on far less than i. i saw people with nothing. not a single possession to their name. i held and played with babies who did not even have a bed of their own, or a parent to love them everyday. and they were some of the most wonderful people i had ever met in my life. they were happy and content and free. they had nothing, and gave away what they did. they wanted nothing more than to make me family, give me what belonged to them. the love of Christ shone through them, gave them hope through anything. they were happy.
they were much happier than i, and they were complete with far far less.
and somewhere in this time, i adopted a simpler life.
i realized that my life was bigger than what i dreamed, i knew i was meant for something more.
but that something more wasn't trips to paris, or louis vuitton bags, that something more wasn't designer jeans, or fancy dinner parties, it wasn't a penthouse apartment with the shining city lights behind it. that something was so so much more.
and it changed me. i am not who i used to be.
i still would die for a louis vuitton bag, stilettos make my heart go pitty pat, i love to read fashion magazines, and paris is my favorite place on earth.
but i also love nothing more than making dinner for my husband, and sitting on our ragged couches, in mismatched sweats, watching tv, in omaha, on a wednesday night.
i love to be outdoors, matthew helped me kind of like to get dirty, because of him i now love to camp.
i get my hair done when i have the extra money, and my nails haven't been manicured in years. my feet are scratchy, dull, and calloused.
i love to find a good deal, i only buy things on sale. i am more comfortable barefoot than in shoes, and i would die if i didn't get to change into sweats everyday after work.
we live in a modest home, make a modest income, and eat modest meals.
i live a simple life, far more simple than i ever dreamed...
and i am fat and happy. i am as happy as i've ever been.
that fancy shmancy life is still a great dream... but i choose a simple sort of life.